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About this blog

My thoughts, life, rants and more. 

Entries in this blog

Stoned

So I'm pretty stoned right now. I called discount dank this evening and i got some flower. I luv the lady who takes calls. She always calls me eugene 

butch1977

butch1977 in Mood

Still sad

My meds i take at night says that marijuana  can make u more drowsy. That's true. Writing messages takes so long, it is kind of like slow motion. I take these for my bipolar and ptsd. I've always been sad but the sad and lonely feeling i feel now is unreal, it's ***CENSORED*** unbearable. I should have known my happiness has the black cloud too. When ian and i were together, i was happy actually happy i was so happy and i had never had that feeling of true honest happiness. I didn't know i could

butch1977

butch1977 in Mood

PHONES SUCK

So my current phone, the galaxy s7 active is not working correctly I am using this galaxy s4. ***CENSORED*** att,  When this phone was acting up, something with the memory card always had errors.  Then since I'm not rich my current phone the galaxy s7 cost me a thousands of dollars. The morons at att, added a new number with a line of service that I had to pay. I needed a new phone, not a new number. The ONLY way to to fix this was to pay the full balance instead of payments. So I was now p

butch1977

butch1977 in Menk

Sad

I was uploading pictures and then i saw all these other old pictures. Now i feel like i wanna cry. I'm all alone. And im sad. Yeah now I'm crying i hate it. 😢😧

butch1977

butch1977 in Mood

Friends

So I've been having a binge of highway to heaven.  I was a kid back in the 80s when it was on . IT was a great there always was a good message and it was a feel-good show today I feel really tainted I'm tired of feeling painted those so-called friends that pissed me off are oblivious. It's really frustrating to have your friends not even know that they really hurt your feelings it makes you feel really stupid like "friends what is a friend.

butch1977

butch1977 in Mood

Grinder sux

So i was on that grinder bullshit a few minutes ago. I go on there to actually chat I'm not trying to get laid. My ho days are long gone.  I  really dislike having a profile. I feel like such a loser. I know it's a big joke to make fun of it but in the whole scheme of it all it's really sad.  I'm  all alone except my cats are here. But  'Latinbooty'  just tapped me and said hello and sent a picture of his ass. Since he said hello before the picture of the ass. U would be shocked  the amount of g

butch1977

butch1977 in Mood

TAINTED

Tomorrow i have another Dentist appointment.  I hate the dentist so much. My ptsd has been a real struggle. Since September  i have been really down. First i got dumped, then in October,  my appendix ruptured and I had to have surgery and i was in the hospital for a week and i had kidney stones.  The first 3 days i was only allowed to have ice chips! It sucked and the pain was unreal. Because of coronavirus no visitors were allowed.  When i got out of the hospital  i lost close to 20 pounds. Whe

butch1977

butch1977 in Mood

Beyond sad

My dog Rafael passed away unexpectedly.  I've have been in a deep depression. Tjis had made my already fragile state of mind into a nose dive. It's eeally difficult.  Being an empath on top of it.  Id rather be having a nightmare because nightmares aren't real and wake up. I so sad and lonely. Im so damn stoned 

butch1977

butch1977 in Mood

Lockdown,

California  is on lockdown again.  I've bedn miserable and in pain, ths kidney stones are hurting,  the toothache. Recovery from my appendix ruptured.  And getting dumped has be brokenhearted and devastated.  It's been a  real struggle.  It's Christmas time and Christmas make me really sad.

butch1977

butch1977 in Mood

Sad

I'm really sad.  It's the worst ever. Getting dumped, surgery, and more bullshit. My life has fallen apart. I think we are on lockdown too. I hate my nightmares they have always been  scary. Now, my life is worse than a living nightmare. It's awful. Now, i wish that my nightmares were my reality. Because  feeling sad and devastated is unbearable. So ive been trying to keep myself busy.  Im having an episode of mania. I'm going to teach myself to play the piano too. I'm sick of crying. 

butch1977

butch1977 in Mood

Dr. Stella!

https://www.instagram.com/p/CDSY970lOWi/?igshid=yd9htnykq577   Well i haven't been on lately. Ive been having some manic emotional episodes.  No bueno, I'm not going to repeat my feelings. I'll post my Ig post where I express myself.  

butch1977

butch1977

Catatonia

So I've been really feeling sad, Sadder than the usual, I miss my husband.  I always have had nightmares and i just recently discovered that my bad dreams are night terrors. I hate it, I have this recurring nightmare that I'm on a sinking ship. Ever since I got back from Oregon I've really been sad.

butch1977

butch1977

George Floyd

George Floyd a black man was murdered by a white cop. I haven't watched the video.  The world is in a state of chaos. I was already depressed enough. 

butch1977

butch1977

Blue Alien

So I'm smoking this dank called blue alien it's really good I'm stoned I feel like Maria I be in a deep depression it's really awful. I don't like all of this judgment and death I just think it's tainted I want none of  thismb, 

butch1977

butch1977

Goodbye Felecia

Well I'm able to post on Facebook but I'm being threatened with suspension for 30 days if I violste the terms. Facebook is bullshit. It's depressing and too much drama at least. Here on Icon it's a ghost town.

butch1977

butch1977

Home Again

Well I'm back home in California, it was so nice to see my husband. Oregon is a really beautiful state it's so green. I knew it was going to be emotional and I was right. When the plane took off I was in tears. Wearing a mask and crying while saying goodbye to loved ones is a drag!

butch1977

butch1977

Oregon!

So tomorrow I'm taking a plane to Oregon and im going to see my husband. I'm so excited. I'm trying to remain as calm as I can, with this pandemic bullshit happening. So tomorrow i will be going in an Airport and on a plane and I have to wear a mask. Isn't that bizarre. The fear isn't terrorists anymore!

butch1977

butch1977

Sadney

So ive been in a real deep depression. My mind is manic as hell. My husband went to Oregon last july. Last year i was on the chopping block and everything went awry. Then he was in oregon and we became a ling distance relationship.  When i wasted 16 years of my life and i was in a vicious cycle and he lived in this shitty town called Hemet and he was under 100 miles. It would usually take maybe 1 and a half hours to drive. That was all a joke. But here i am alone during a pandemic and my soulmat

butch1977

butch1977

Insomnia Sux

So, i just uploaded some pics of the garden this year. I've been in a deep depression.  So I'm about to take a bong rip.  Bong rips are so good We'll just take a  couple of bong rips and everything will be ok.

butch1977

butch1977

Seclusion

Dear Diary,  First off I'm kind of stoned. The state of the world is a mess. The white privilege is out of control. These people protesting the social distancing. The stupidity is endless. Trump needs to get assassinated. He has akways been a POS.  Meanwhile I'm blasting Selena and taking some bong rips. 

butch1977

butch1977

MASKS!

Dear blog, well now it is required by the law that in California you must wear a mask! There will be a $1000 fine if you aren't wearing a mask. It's unreal, 2 weeks ago my dog died and then last week my cousin died. It's been rough, on April 9 it marks the 20 year anniversary of  EXPLICIT getting raped. I've blogged about it before so no need to bring up shitty things. #survivor So it's been emotional like I'm sure everyone  is having a difficult time.  I went to Stater bros to do some groc

butch1977

butch1977

MASKS!

Dear blog, well now it is required by the law that in California you must wear a mask! There will be a $1000 fine if you aren't wearing a mask. It's unreal, 2 weeks ago my dog died and then last week my cousin died. It's been rough, on April 9 it marks the 20 year anniversary of  EXPLICIT getting raped. I've blogged about it before so no need to bring up shitty things. #survivor So it's been emotional like I'm sure everyone  is having a difficult time.  I went to Stater bros to do some groc

butch1977

butch1977

Coronavirus Hysteria

It is now required by law that everyone in California has to wear a fasce mask.  There is a $1000 fine! We are on lockdown.  Jesus take the wheel. Or find me a time machine  and take me back to 1987.

butch1977

butch1977

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