So i just smoked a big fattie i rolled. I never had a problem smoking alone. The lonely feeling is just awful. I can't stand it. I can't handle getting even more sad. I created a onlyfans. Right cheek is on it and i wanted to like her and u could only do so if u had a profile lmao. It's sad cuz right cheek sends me all these nasty messages and they always have a price!! It's sad, i gave her a $3 tip and she said what was she gonna do with 3 dollars, i left this long ass comment on how 3 is a luc
Right now I'm blasting Hung Up, i just had a little meltdown. I just thought about Ian, I'm clearly not over him. We were best friends and now we don't even speak. Having a broken heart is unbearable. I would rather be at the dentist or in the hospital. It's worse than my nightmares, I'd rather have a night terror. Nightmares end when u wake up, you get to leave the hospital and the dentist. The nighttime is worse the loneliness i feel is a the worst I've ever felt. I use to like being alone no
My meds i take at night says that marijuana can make u more drowsy. That's true. Writing messages takes so long, it is kind of like slow motion. I take these for my bipolar and ptsd. I've always been sad but the sad and lonely feeling i feel now is unreal, it's ***CENSORED*** unbearable. I should have known my happiness has the black cloud too. When ian and i were together, i was happy actually happy i was so happy and i had never had that feeling of true honest happiness. I didn't know i could
So my current phone, the galaxy s7 active is not working correctly I am using this galaxy s4. ***CENSORED*** att,
When this phone was acting up, something with the memory card always had errors. Then since I'm not rich my current phone the galaxy s7 cost me a thousands of dollars. The morons at att, added a new number with a line of service that I had to pay. I needed a new phone, not a new number. The ONLY way to to fix this was to pay the full balance instead of payments. So I was now p
I was uploading pictures and then i saw all these other old pictures. Now i feel like i wanna cry. I'm all alone. And im sad. Yeah now I'm crying i hate it. 😢😧
So I've been having a binge of highway to heaven. I was a kid back in the 80s when it was on . IT was a great there always was a good message and it was a feel-good show today I feel really tainted I'm tired of feeling painted those so-called friends that pissed me off are oblivious. It's really frustrating to have your friends not even know that they really hurt your feelings it makes you feel really stupid like "friends what is a friend.
So i was on that grinder bullshit a few minutes ago. I go on there to actually chat I'm not trying to get laid. My ho days are long gone. I really dislike having a profile. I feel like such a loser. I know it's a big joke to make fun of it but in the whole scheme of it all it's really sad. I'm all alone except my cats are here. But 'Latinbooty' just tapped me and said hello and sent a picture of his ass. Since he said hello before the picture of the ass. U would be shocked the amount of g
Tomorrow i have another Dentist appointment. I hate the dentist so much. My ptsd has been a real struggle. Since September i have been really down. First i got dumped, then in October, my appendix ruptured and I had to have surgery and i was in the hospital for a week and i had kidney stones. The first 3 days i was only allowed to have ice chips! It sucked and the pain was unreal. Because of coronavirus no visitors were allowed. When i got out of the hospital i lost close to 20 pounds. Whe
My dog Rafael passed away unexpectedly. I've have been in a deep depression. Tjis had made my already fragile state of mind into a nose dive. It's eeally difficult. Being an empath on top of it. Id rather be having a nightmare because nightmares aren't real and wake up. I so sad and lonely. Im so damn stoned
California is on lockdown again. I've bedn miserable and in pain, ths kidney stones are hurting, the toothache. Recovery from my appendix ruptured. And getting dumped has be brokenhearted and devastated. It's been a real struggle. It's Christmas time and Christmas make me really sad.
I'm really sad. It's the worst ever. Getting dumped, surgery, and more bullshit. My life has fallen apart. I think we are on lockdown too. I hate my nightmares they have always been scary. Now, my life is worse than a living nightmare. It's awful. Now, i wish that my nightmares were my reality. Because feeling sad and devastated is unbearable. So ive been trying to keep myself busy. Im having an episode of mania. I'm going to teach myself to play the piano too. I'm sick of crying.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CDSY970lOWi/?igshid=yd9htnykq577
Well i haven't been on lately. Ive been having some manic emotional episodes. No bueno, I'm not going to repeat my feelings. I'll post my Ig post where I express myself.
So I've been really feeling sad, Sadder than the usual, I miss my husband.
I always have had nightmares and i just recently discovered that my bad dreams are night terrors. I hate it, I have this recurring nightmare that I'm on a sinking ship.
Ever since I got back from Oregon I've really been sad.
So I'm smoking this dank called blue alien it's really good I'm stoned I feel like Maria I be in a deep depression it's really awful. I don't like all of this judgment and death I just think it's tainted I want none of thismb,
Well I'm able to post on Facebook but I'm being threatened with suspension for 30 days if I violste the terms. Facebook is bullshit. It's depressing and too much drama at least. Here on Icon it's a ghost town.
Well I'm back home in California, it was so nice to see my husband. Oregon is a really beautiful state it's so green. I knew it was going to be emotional and I was right. When the plane took off I was in tears. Wearing a mask and crying while saying goodbye to loved ones is a drag!
So tomorrow I'm taking a plane to Oregon and im going to see my husband. I'm so excited. I'm trying to remain as calm as I can, with this pandemic bullshit happening. So tomorrow i will be going in an Airport and on a plane and I have to wear a mask. Isn't that bizarre. The fear isn't terrorists anymore!
So ive been in a real deep depression. My mind is manic as hell. My husband went to Oregon last july. Last year i was on the chopping block and everything went awry. Then he was in oregon and we became a ling distance relationship. When i wasted 16 years of my life and i was in a vicious cycle and he lived in this shitty town called Hemet and he was under 100 miles. It would usually take maybe 1 and a half hours to drive. That was all a joke. But here i am alone during a pandemic and my soulmat
So, i just uploaded some pics of the garden this year. I've been in a deep depression.
So I'm about to take a bong rip.
Bong rips are so good
We'll just take a couple of bong rips and everything will be ok.
Dear Diary, First off I'm kind of stoned. The state of the world is a mess. The white privilege is out of control. These people protesting the social distancing. The stupidity is endless. Trump needs to get assassinated. He has akways been a POS.
Meanwhile I'm blasting Selena and taking some bong rips.
Dear blog, well now it is required by the law that in California you must wear a mask! There will be a $1000 fine if you aren't wearing a mask. It's unreal, 2 weeks ago my dog died and then last week my cousin died. It's been rough, on April 9 it marks the 20 year anniversary of EXPLICIT getting raped. I've blogged about it before so no need to bring up shitty things. #survivor So it's been emotional like I'm sure everyone is having a difficult time.
I went to Stater bros to do some groc
Dear blog, well now it is required by the law that in California you must wear a mask! There will be a $1000 fine if you aren't wearing a mask. It's unreal, 2 weeks ago my dog died and then last week my cousin died. It's been rough, on April 9 it marks the 20 year anniversary of EXPLICIT getting raped. I've blogged about it before so no need to bring up shitty things. #survivor So it's been emotional like I'm sure everyone is having a difficult time.
I went to Stater bros to do some groc
