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Still sad



My meds i take at night says that marijuana  can make u more drowsy. That's true. Writing messages takes so long, it is kind of like slow motion. I take these for my bipolar and ptsd. I've always been sad but the sad and lonely feeling i feel now is unreal, it's ***CENSORED*** unbearable. I should have known my happiness has the black cloud too. When ian and i were together, i was happy actually happy i was so happy and i had never had that feeling of true honest happiness. I didn't know i could feel that way. Losing that happiness  has left me truly brokenhearted and devastated.  I'm unable to move on. That is the honest truth. It feels worse than a nightmare cuz there is no waking up. It's real,  there is no escaping from it. The actual sick feeling. Its the awful feeling u have in nightmares but u wake up cuz its so upsetting.  Except now that horrible feeling is taking place now. I feel so lonely and unloved like a sad lonely pathetic ***CENSORED***. 


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