I'm having a meltdown and I'm trying to calm myself down. I've been really sad all day and do people really over sensitive and had more than one crying episode today and they're happening over and over like back-to-back I can't handle it. I am having anxiety and panic attacks like never before.I've had panic or anxiety attacks since I was a kid but this is scaring me. My sadness and depression is at an all-time high and I think of being an empath make it hard. I'm doing my best to keep busy I've
I should be happy and excited about Hot Dogs coming out on Sunday it's the first time I will be putting out a song my own song that I wrote by myself and the piano is myself also but right now I just am really sad and in a deep depression again and I hate it I hate feeling so lonely and going on these f****** apps just make you realize that you are completely alone and no one cares and just being on that thing just makes that even more in your face so going on f****** Grindr because you're feeli
Happy New happy New Year it's 2022 so far this year is already sucked really loudly right now and I'm kind of sad and I've high as a kite today was the Rose Parade and I used to always love watching the Rose Parade and what wake up early to watch it that was so stupid that all the one of the flowers apparently was rice it's so stupid
Merry Christmas so I can have some updates to to everything I'm really high as a kite right now and so this might not make sense but my new single my first single ever hot dogs is going to be coming out out soon buy whole album was not planned it was some sonnets and poems Shakespearean sonnets to be correct and somehow it. Has ended with our kind came to me singing or speaking whatever I don't know how to explain it but I've really been kind of sad and today has been I'm pretty sad but I've kep
So I've spent a majority of last night and this morning in tears. I've just been really down, i was just on ig. I was taking some bong rips and i saw Madonna's latest post. She can post whatever she likes. I don't judge. But these days social media haters are downright mean. The comments made me really sad, they were a majority of mean, ageist comments. The amount of comments coming from life long fans who don't consider themselves fans anymore. Madonna has been pushing buttons since day
I now have I now have the ability to go live on YouTube before when I tried it said I needed to have a certain amount of subscribers so I wasn't able to. That's bulshit anyways for the last couple months they must have changed it because now my channel. I am allowed to go live. Isn't that great so since. Im currently at a very depressed era in my life. More than ive ever felt. one thing that I did notice is when I'm feeling so lonely and awful really late. Going live is like you're talking
I'm really saddened and disappointed seeing the new photos of madonna with fur. I don't give a flying leap if it's inspired by Marilyn Monroe. The comments about Madonna's physical appearance have been beyond cruel. All i could see was madonna with fur and it really made me sad and disappointed it actually hurts my feelings. Now at the lowest and saddest eras in my life and now i see madonna and fur. Madonna has always been there for me and right now it feels like she told me to go ***CENSORED**
so it's now November 1st and Halloween was yesterday it was decent but I was severely sad and its eally starting to be an issue.
and I having anxiety and these controllable meltdowns or just little things and then I will blubbering mess and it's like I can't pull it together it's it's f****** awful and the feeling of how awful end just like it's a nightmare that's how it is that scared feeling it's it's and it's been getting worse it hasn't been getting better at all an
After i just saw a news story about Brit, it just set in stone how my life and Brit's life intertwine, the headline said, 'Britney rides motorcycle after putting family on blast' i love her. I myself posted a meme on my ig of how i hate my brother including its very own scathing caption. So I'm totally for Britney to talk trash on family!
It's 3 a.m. I'm really sad I've been sad all day well I've been sad my whole life but right now I really really sad I hate it I had my appointment with my psychiatrist today and it was all right but I could tell her that I want off the planet because it's it's too much and I am having difficulties so everything is really hard and I'm really sad and all these thoughts that are not even true are going through my head and freaking me out and I hate it it's life time like right now cuz it's really l
So apparently the vmas were on. Mtv has become a joke and the vmas have sucked for years now. I did see that Madonna was there from her ig post. When i was reading the comments, it was really disheartening to see how mean people can be. Even her so called 'fans' are talking shit. I did see some real fans. Her ensemble was interesting. Well Madonnas ensembles have always been on the next level, the vma ensemble wasn't my favorite but Madonna does what she wants and always has. One thing that bot
Happy Friday it's already and it's going to be September 11th soon September 11th the tragedy so the other day on Wednesday I was working on my album/EP and at one point I had a mini meltdown but I got it under control but it's pretty cool how my friend/ producer knows all he knows about music s*** He has this software witn all kinds of music I don't know what it's called but samples of s*** like that you know what I mean but he knows and he gave me homework. Since I've been teaching myself th
It's about 2:30 a.m. and I'm starting to feel sad. It's that really bad feeling. I feel really lonely right now. the loneliness is so awful it makes me want to just jump out of my skin but I can't and there's nowhere to go and there's nothing that will make it stop. Ever since the disintegration getting dumped. Everything has been really tough besides my appendix rupturing and having to go to the hospital and have surgery last year but I feel so alone is it it's awful in my mind starts thinking
Yesterday I got something in the mail I wasn't sure of what it was because I hadn't ordered anything when I opened it it was a package from China and it was a Madonna poster it was its double sided. I've never seen a poster like it before. Wno is it from? I don't know how to say the name exactly but I don't know who sent me it but I like it it's great. So right now I'm going to take a bong rip and I've been feeling really emotional today more than usual and had multiple meltdowns. I hate it it's
So I really hate feeling sad it's been getting worse. I just feel so alone and unloved just like I don't even exist and I've always felt like that but now it's almost unbearable being alone and getting stoned is not fun anymore. it's not I always end up pretty. it's just very difficult to fake out whats in my head. Even listening to music. I'm sure everyone has songs where they get will feel a little sad or feel but all here this certain songs and I burst into f****** tears and it's happening
If u look through my pictures, you will see him. You will also see a little chihuahua. His name is ian and that is his dog wilma aka miss little. He's my true love, we called eachother husband, i had practiced proposing to him many times. I gave him lots of rings. He was my best friend and the coolest guy ever. We lived together until my drug addict brother turned everything upside down and he moved to oregon and began to isolate himself and . I'm in California. Now we're not together and I'm
Last last Friday my sister and I went to see xtina at the Hollywood Bowl. It was very cool she sounded amazing. There were some assholes in the crowd that were singing along and trying to sing with her it was annoying but xtina was great
It was the first time we ever took a a park and ride. We went back to carsoj and we were both born in Torrance.
At the end of the night to get back on the bus we had to walk through and between buses that were on it it was like a death trap it was pret
So right now, I'm trying to not feel so sad. I just took a huge bong rip. I'm so lonely. I've been more emotional than usual. It's really bad. One good thing is this Friday my sister and I are going to see Xtina at the Hollywood Bowl. She's gonna be with the Phil harmonic. It's gonna be awesome. Right now I'm blasting Bionic.
So cancer is in full swing. Yesterday was Bill Cosby's birthday. #isupportthecos He's been released from prison! I never believed any of that crap. So I love the c
So on June 24th I turned 44. I really hate birthdays they're awful right now it's like 12:30 in the morning and I'm feeling really lonely and really sad I can't I'm so sick of it. So I'm trying to keep my mind on other things so I decided I will work on this blog I don't know about that onlyfans s*** it's I have for the picture I put up a picture that was not something I do usually put up and it was at onlyfans crap so I'm going to put a picture of my ass on here it's not like I was doing someth
So i just smoked a big fattie i rolled. I never had a problem smoking alone. The lonely feeling is just awful. I can't stand it. I can't handle getting even more sad. I created a onlyfans. Right cheek is on it and i wanted to like her and u could only do so if u had a profile lmao. It's sad cuz right cheek sends me all these nasty messages and they always have a price!! It's sad, i gave her a $3 tip and she said what was she gonna do with 3 dollars, i left this long ass comment on how 3 is a luc
Right now I'm blasting Hung Up, i just had a little meltdown. I just thought about Ian, I'm clearly not over him. We were best friends and now we don't even speak. Having a broken heart is unbearable. I would rather be at the dentist or in the hospital. It's worse than my nightmares, I'd rather have a night terror. Nightmares end when u wake up, you get to leave the hospital and the dentist. The nighttime is worse the loneliness i feel is a the worst I've ever felt. I use to like being alone no