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Found 3 results

  1. butch1977

    Calm Down

    I'm having a meltdown and I'm trying to calm myself down. I've been really sad all day and do people really over sensitive and had more than one crying episode today and they're happening over and over like back-to-back I can't handle it. I am having anxiety and panic attacks like never before.I've had panic or anxiety attacks since I was a kid but this is scaring me. My sadness and depression is at an all-time high and I think of being an empath make it hard. I'm doing my best to keep busy I've even started learning to play the ukulele and I did the vocals for another song the other day and it was in an actual recording booth and if it's a song that I was in singing is a sad song I wrote it to and came up with a melody but it was a lot different then I'm at the songs did lot different than hot dogs and recording this song as of Ben Waymart that was the scene of it is what was difficult because I'm not a singer I am an artist. It seems like every everyday I'm really like fighting to not be sad to not get sad and it's a losing battle and when it gets night time it gets even worse. It gets awful and the loneliness is almost unbearable. I'm so unhappy, I actually have a song that's available on itunes and i hate itunes. I believe Hotdogs could be a hit. But there's a black cloud that is always close by. The song i was laying vocals for is called Alone and i wrote the lyrics and its a melody i came up with. But it's a sad song. Ive been collaborating with a cool producer named Erric and he even remastered Hotdogs, The sad song was not easy to sing and nervous laughing isnt sad. I had to feel that sadness and get sad . It was difficult, my voice cracked . The producer said 'damn that made me sad' he said I did well. He said he knew i could do it when i was having doubts. It was intense. My panic meltdown has calmed down so I'm thankful for that. Have a good weekend everyone.
  2. butch1977

    HOTDOGS

    I should be happy and excited about Hot Dogs coming out on Sunday it's the first time I will be putting out a song my own song that I wrote by myself and the piano is myself also but right now I just am really sad and in a deep depression again and I hate it I hate feeling so lonely and going on these f****** apps just make you realize that you are completely alone and no one cares and just being on that thing just makes that even more in your face so going on f****** Grindr because you're feeling sad and lonely it's going to make you feel even sadder and even lonelier and I can't take it anymore I really am sick of it so I am coming on and writing a Blog about hot dogs because I'm feeling really sad and if I don't think of something else or do something else I didn't get even sadder and I don't feel like f****** crying in bed against it's just too much I just going to put on Here's Lucy and hopefully not have any nightmares was last night and the night before I've had really awful nightmares the one today I woke up in a likes Panic State all sweaty and and just scared and I hate having these night terrors state I hadn't had one in a few months I haven't had any but just the last weaker so bad dreams and bad dreams and bad dreams and I hate it so I'm trying to take some bong rips and relax my mind but I've said it before getting stoned by myself now isn't fun anymore either it's just lonely and being alone is is tough it's very tough and difficult for me these days I have to sneeze I just sneezed I'm using the text microphone so I don't have to be using the keypad so there might be some errors somewhat but errors but I really don't care I don't even know I'd I just and really tired of it so let me talk about hot dogs instead it's going to be available on all platforms and I am will be known as Sonic pressure the artist and independent artist but my song will be available this Sunday February 6th at 6 a.m. and it's a it's exciting but it's like it's exciting for about me and that's it no one else really gives a s*** so that's like kind of sad but I should be used to it because things always turn out bad it's sad but it's true but it would really be great if my song blew up and because it's pretty cool and it sounds cool but if it do you know really gif it turned into a hit and I'm like I became like known for music wouldn't that be interesting cuz I have a whole bunch of s*** that I have written that original s*** it's not this crap like I love you to Infinity that's ridiculous these other songs in this crap of today but I know if I if I knew someone in like the music business here that a big record label giving me exposure than I know it would blow up because there'd be the exposure cuz these other assholes that blow up it's because they're stuck in your face Kanye West he's no one wants to hear his mouth all of it all of his crap is just annoying and if Madonna is ever reading these like the blog that some of the people on here on icon have left then I'm if she wanted a new sound something that no one's ever heard then she she would want to collaborate with me because no one has ever heard anything like me so of that that would be something good.
  3. butch1977

    Still sad

    My meds i take at night says that marijuana can make u more drowsy. That's true. Writing messages takes so long, it is kind of like slow motion. I take these for my bipolar and ptsd. I've always been sad but the sad and lonely feeling i feel now is unreal, it's ***CENSORED*** unbearable. I should have known my happiness has the black cloud too. When ian and i were together, i was happy actually happy i was so happy and i had never had that feeling of true honest happiness. I didn't know i could feel that way. Losing that happiness has left me truly brokenhearted and devastated. I'm unable to move on. That is the honest truth. It feels worse than a nightmare cuz there is no waking up. It's real, there is no escaping from it. The actual sick feeling. Its the awful feeling u have in nightmares but u wake up cuz its so upsetting. Except now that horrible feeling is taking place now. I feel so lonely and unloved like a sad lonely pathetic ***CENSORED***.
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