Right now I'm blasting Hung Up, i just had a little meltdown. I just thought about Ian, I'm clearly not over him. We were best friends and now we don't even speak. Having a broken heart is unbearable. I would rather be at the dentist or in the hospital. It's worse than my nightmares, I'd rather have a night terror. Nightmares end when u wake up, you get to leave the hospital and the dentist. The nighttime is worse the loneliness i feel is a the worst I've ever felt. I use to like being alone now i just want to hide . It's 4am and i just took a bong rip. I have some dank, so that's good. Last monday i finally had the surgery for my kidney stone problem. Coronavirus canceled it cuz it was supposed to be done in November. Thats like 6 ***CENSORED*** months ago.
The last 6 months I've felt the worst physical and mental pain ever. I'm not shitting you.
The disintegration of my "soul sister's' over 20 year friendship is really sad and disappointing. The fact that she's actually oblivious to what is going on is astounding to me. Im flabbergasted. She just keeps putting her foot in her mouth and she's talking such unbelievable talk she's going right up her own asshole and I'm not going there. I didn't want to go on this ride. If anyone out there is feeling sad, i hope u feel better. You do matter.