butch1977

Im reallu sick of it all

I'm really saddened and disappointed seeing the new photos of madonna with fur. I don't give a flying leap if it's inspired by Marilyn Monroe. The comments about Madonna's physical appearance have been beyond cruel. All i could see was madonna with fur and it really made me sad and disappointed it actually hurts my feelings. Now at the lowest and saddest eras in my life and now i see madonna and fur. Madonna has always been there for me and right now it feels like she told me to go ***CENSORED*** myself. Madonna fur is not a good look. I never talk shit on m but promoting madame x with teasers of kim Kardashian asking madonna a question. Hold up madonna. I luv madame x and the negative comments about how bad it was. Now wtf it looks like madonna just put the final nail in the coffin for the madame x era. Instead of giving justice to madame x and redemption for the album REMEMBER I LOVE MADAME X the album is brilliant and i never judge madonna. But to prepare the world for the premier for madame x involves Kim Kardashian asking madonna a question. Wow just wow WOW I'm dumbfounded. I've mentioned ive NEVER EVER SAID A NEGATIVE THING NEVER IN MY LIFE. ill do a polygraph. I always have been a true fan. But Kardashian was on snl last week joking about oj simpson. She joked about taking a stab at it. That joke is so disrespectful to a woman who was murdered and it doesn't help all the people in horrible and deadly relationships. ANYWAYS, madonna i don't understand and I've never said ANYTHING bad about u but using kim kardashian to promote madame x is not positive, it's desperate. Kardashian is a fur hag with a sex tape. Not a good look.

happy Halloween so it's now November 1st and Halloween was yesterday it was decent but I was severely sad and its eally starting to be an issue. and I having anxiety and these controllable meltdowns or just little things and then I will blubbering mess and it's like I can't pull it together it's it's f****** awful and the feeling of how awful end just like it's a nightmare that's how it is that scared feeling it's it's and it's been getting worse it hasn't been getting better at all and play album was I think I had mentioned that the perp my producer said it would be out by 9 or before Halloween and of well it's Halloween was yesterday and my time in the studio this last week was early too have a longer time to get do more however by the time was cut short because my producer had a appointment for getting a haircut I'm not shiting you and then there was a little talk about it but it's not really important if it was like moving a house in like physical labor not the one to come to but really in getting more disappointed in my supposed best friends I think whenever I'm writing a Blog on here I'm talking about how sad I am and it's but it's getting worse and worse and it's okay I was going to stop beating around the bush if someone says or talks about suicide you one of the things listed in the what you should do is for support to the person who's feeling like that one of them was to Safe safer going to do something and and do it actually do it keep commitments and s*** like that and it also has versus its to be taking taken seriously majorly and if you would it's gotten to the point to where you have been to this more than once like a shitload and getting a little more more knowledge about it and get sentence respond response that is if it's not supportive especially when you say you're going to do something for his and then did it doesn't happen but the social media shows that all of this other stuff is big oh taken care of and addressed and album artwork that I created and this is what I got out of the hospital last year I saw that it was it was you some of it was used but it look like it had been edited somehow is that just rubs me the wrong way and I think it that's like a shity thing to do cuz I don't know about you but a friend shouldn't well sirens there was some Sirens just going by and I thought I was recording this video but I'm writing a Blog what I'm speaking into the of tablet because if I was busy it would be really hard to be typing all of this but to sum it all up I think a response a few weeks ago with is it this weekend we'll talk about the subject of pills and then when that happens it's it's not even mentioned again so I'm trying to. Put as he was identity out there but I remember also blocking about my friends who had really hurt my feelings this is the same friend if there is just Ben selfish behavior on the other part again and again and it's not cool and especially with how the difficult things have been and I'm not I don't want anyone's sympathy but I might just likes some understanding be because friends or anyone basically says it fits they talk about suicide that it's serious and it's not it's not something that's supposed to be I just have really gotten sick of like that total it's very sad and of it's really sad that you can that best friends that you would deduct do it anything for because just because but they will give you the same date when you have someone who if they say they're going to do it and is always there and does it 2 I've seen probably way too much that bye best friends when it when it comes down to it they're more concerned with themselves and that's a pretty selfish it's especially when just laziness on the other part I just took a huge bong rip Police telephone that's another thing why using the speaker on this s*** because it's typing on the phone cats like whoa It's takes even longer so except some of the things that it's it doesn't allow to forward f*** it has the little like simple do you know what I'm saying but how much do and I lost my train of thought but basically tres just one protect this is that and don't expect to be treated nice. And daididau 8% of people are more concerned with themselves and it's really selfish and it's pretty rude especially with these selfish people aren't getting what they want and then they're like complaining to you about it it's stupid and all these people with goddamn amnesia they say something good don't follow through with it you know what like that previous the topic I was talking about so so anyways that's about all that go to bed it's it's already 3 3 a.m. but this sundowning s*** that's black people only old people had that is he what he's

After i just saw a news story about Brit, it just set in stone how my life and Brit's life intertwine, the headline said, 'Britney rides motorcycle after putting family on blast' i love her. I myself posted a meme on my ig of how i hate my brother including its very own scathing caption. So I'm totally for Britney to talk trash on family!

It's 3 a.m. I'm really sad I've been sad all day well I've been sad my whole life but right now I really really sad I hate it I had my appointment with my psychiatrist today and it was all right but I could tell her that I want off the planet because it's it's too much and I am having difficulties so everything is really hard and I'm really sad and all these thoughts that are not even true are going through my head and freaking me out and I hate it it's life time like right now cuz it's really late and I feel so alone that I want to put my head through a window or something cuz I'm driving me insane and I was crying just a few minutes ago I hate it I hate everything pretty much. Getting dubbed had a really negative impact on me and it has not gotten any easier matter of fact it's getting harder and I'm feeling more sad and that it's just awful it's really awful I want out.

So apparently the vmas were on. Mtv has become a joke and the vmas have sucked for years now. I did see that Madonna was there from her ig post. When i was reading the comments, it was really disheartening to see how mean people can be. Even her so called 'fans' are talking shit. I did see some real fans. Her ensemble was interesting. Well Madonnas ensembles have always been on the next level, the vma ensemble wasn't my favorite but Madonna does what she wants and always has. One thing that bothers me is the ageism. The 'old' comments were really mean. One thing is people are so disrespectful and she is a legend and she deserves respect especially while she is still alive. I don't even want to think of life without her in it.

Happy Friday it's already and it's going to be September 11th soon September 11th the tragedy so the other day on Wednesday I was working on my album/EP and at one point I had a mini meltdown but I got it under control but it's pretty cool how my friend/ producer knows all he knows about music s*** He has this software witn all kinds of music I don't know what it's called but samples of s*** like that you know what I mean but he knows and he gave me homework. Since I've been teaching myself the piano and that I don't play in time and he's said I should get a metronome app well I got a real metronome! Its way better than a electronic shit and you can see it. It's pretty cool and it has helped me with keeping time timing. When I do put out my album out it's going to be at the top of the charts.

It's about 2:30 a.m. and I'm starting to feel sad. It's that really bad feeling. I feel really lonely right now. the loneliness is so awful it makes me want to just jump out of my skin but I can't and there's nowhere to go and there's nothing that will make it stop. Ever since the disintegration getting dumped. Everything has been really tough besides my appendix rupturing and having to go to the hospital and have surgery last year but I feel so alone is it it's awful in my mind starts thinking all this crazy s*** is it sucks there's nothing worse than having meltdown at like 3 in the morning and you're all alone it sucks. I have this anxious feeling and it's kind of scaring me. It always happens late at night. My mind starts to think way too much and think about things that do nothing to help all it does is make me start to panic and it's hard. I've really been practicing on the keyboard and coming up with my own melodies and writing songs it's a new way of therapy. my friend is a musician and he's in a band and he is helping me to create some music and an album or e.p. he said a breakup album and a sad and bittersweet tale

Yesterday I got something in the mail I wasn't sure of what it was because I hadn't ordered anything when I opened it it was a package from China and it was a Madonna poster it was its double sided. I've never seen a poster like it before. Wno is it from? I don't know how to say the name exactly but I don't know who sent me it but I like it it's great. So right now I'm going to take a bong rip and I've been feeling really emotional today more than usual and had multiple meltdowns. I hate it it's awful and I wish I could go back in time to about 3 years ago and there is some pivotal points where things would be different right now if something different had been done before it's just a really sad f*****-up situation if you've ever been railroaded and thrown under the bus you know what I'm talking about is it it's not deserved and it's an acceptable but it's still unacceptable budget that I need to accept it because it's a truth and I have no choice but I'm sad about it all.