It's about 2:30 a.m. and I'm starting to feel sad. It's that really bad feeling. I feel really lonely right now. the loneliness is so awful it makes me want to just jump out of my skin but I can't and there's nowhere to go and there's nothing that  will make it stop. Ever since the disintegration getting dumped. Everything has been really tough besides my appendix rupturing and having to go to the hospital and have surgery last year but I feel so alone is it it's awful in my mind starts thinking all this crazy s*** is it sucks there's nothing worse than having meltdown at like 3 in the morning and you're all alone it sucks. I have this anxious feeling and it's kind of scaring me. It always happens late at night. My mind starts to think way too much and think about things that do nothing to help all it does is make me start to panic and it's hard. I've really been practicing on the keyboard and coming up with my own melodies and writing songs it's a new way of therapy. my friend is a musician and he's in a band and he is helping me to create some music and an album or e.p. he said a breakup album and a sad and bittersweet tale