butch1977

So I've spent a majority of last night and this morning in tears. I've just been really down, i was just on ig. I was taking some bong rips and i saw Madonna's latest post. She can post whatever she likes. I don't judge. But these days social media haters are downright mean. The comments made me really sad, they were a majority of mean, ageist comments. The amount of comments coming from life long fans who don't consider themselves fans anymore. Madonna has been pushing buttons since day one. But this I don't understand giving haters more fuel to talk shit. Madonna can shock people in many ways. She doesn't need to get naked. These days, people are ridiculed no matter what they do. Someone always gets upset about something, but she's giving haters material and having comments on is just allowing and welcoming the negativity. Unless Madonna wants to read mean things about herself. I just really am sad and really depressed and seeing all the comments bashing her just bothers me. Right now i need some positivity because I've lost it Feeling hopeless has been trying to take over.

I now have I now have the ability to go live on YouTube before when I tried it said I needed to have a certain amount of subscribers so I wasn't able to. That's bulshit anyways for the last couple months they must have changed it because now my channel. I am allowed to go live. Isn't that great so since. Im currently at a very depressed era in my life. More than ive ever felt. one thing that I did notice is when I'm feeling so lonely and awful really late. Going live is like you're talking to someone and i dont feel completely alone. So last night I went live and was talking about an hour and a half I was like I'm Delilah Hamlin and her really long live on ig and none of it was like thought out or planned there was no script behind it but I cover up lot of topics and very personal topics ones that I've only went into on certain forms I've blogged about it on here before. The abuse s*** . I'm talking about rape and all that and it was It was kind of bizarre because it's very very personal and private and from my videos on my YouTube tell me the person behind all of that there's an I've never really made videos with myself I've never made them where I talked in them previously because I didn't don't like the my voice so putting my face and voice has not been something that I've that I've always done I would say the past 2 years maybe. II don't think anyone will ever watch those videos of me babbling on and on about all kinds of s*** . So in other news I am going to work on my album this Sunday I was supposed to on Wednesday but it didn't happen and it was supposed to happen last week sometime it didn't happen either My producer has been a little preoccupied with himself and his other Music . One of them is a band that's been broken up for about 10 years plus and he just recently had said that he was had so much stuff that he was doing and he needed to slow down but when Instagram shows all those stories and shit he's posting of all of this his other music. Songs that were not recorded and unheard Little Gems. I think that they that wait another few months because I think I originally said that there was talk that my album would be out by Halloween . I didn't think it was going to be done I was right. But when I see that there's other stuff that's getting attention that I had heard was not going to get attention I get confused and it irritates me . I don't mind that people have other things to do but don't say you're going to do something and then not. If it's all talk and no action then that's all it is is just talk. It's very frustrating when people get amnesia like that so easily they just forget what they talked about or what they said they were going to do. I don't get it cuz I know what I say and when I say I'm going to do something I do it and I get the job done . I take giving my word serious. I don't say I'm going to do something and not do it if I say I'm going to do it you better believe I'll do it and if I promise that I'll do it there's no way in hell that I will not do it because it's a promise I will do it and I keep my word. With me it's loyalty, kindness and honesty and no bulshit I keep it real.

Im reallu sick of it all

I'm really saddened and disappointed seeing the new photos of madonna with fur. I don't give a flying leap if it's inspired by Marilyn Monroe. The comments about Madonna's physical appearance have been beyond cruel. All i could see was madonna with fur and it really made me sad and disappointed it actually hurts my feelings. Now at the lowest and saddest eras in my life and now i see madonna and fur. Madonna has always been there for me and right now it feels like she told me to go ***CENSORED*** myself. Madonna fur is not a good look. I never talk shit on m but promoting madame x with teasers of kim Kardashian asking madonna a question. Hold up madonna. I luv madame x and the negative comments about how bad it was. Now wtf it looks like madonna just put the final nail in the coffin for the madame x era. Instead of giving justice to madame x and redemption for the album REMEMBER I LOVE MADAME X the album is brilliant and i never judge madonna. But to prepare the world for the premier for madame x involves Kim Kardashian asking madonna a question. Wow just wow WOW I'm dumbfounded. I've mentioned ive NEVER EVER SAID A NEGATIVE THING NEVER IN MY LIFE. ill do a polygraph. I always have been a true fan. But Kardashian was on snl last week joking about oj simpson. She joked about taking a stab at it. That joke is so disrespectful to a woman who was murdered and it doesn't help all the people in horrible and deadly relationships. ANYWAYS, madonna i don't understand and I've never said ANYTHING bad about u but using kim kardashian to promote madame x is not positive, it's desperate. Kardashian is a fur hag with a sex tape. Not a good look.

happy Halloween so it's now November 1st and Halloween was yesterday it was decent but I was severely sad and its eally starting to be an issue. and I having anxiety and these controllable meltdowns or just little things and then I will blubbering mess and it's like I can't pull it together it's it's f****** awful and the feeling of how awful end just like it's a nightmare that's how it is that scared feeling it's it's and it's been getting worse it hasn't been getting better at all and play album was I think I had mentioned that the perp my producer said it would be out by 9 or before Halloween and of well it's Halloween was yesterday and my time in the studio this last week was early too have a longer time to get do more however by the time was cut short because my producer had a appointment for getting a haircut I'm not shiting you and then there was a little talk about it but it's not really important if it was like moving a house in like physical labor not the one to come to but really in getting more disappointed in my supposed best friends I think whenever I'm writing a Blog on here I'm talking about how sad I am and it's but it's getting worse and worse and it's okay I was going to stop beating around the bush if someone says or talks about suicide you one of the things listed in the what you should do is for support to the person who's feeling like that one of them was to Safe safer going to do something and and do it actually do it keep commitments and s*** like that and it also has versus its to be taking taken seriously majorly and if you would it's gotten to the point to where you have been to this more than once like a shitload and getting a little more more knowledge about it and get sentence respond response that is if it's not supportive especially when you say you're going to do something for his and then did it doesn't happen but the social media shows that all of this other stuff is big oh taken care of and addressed and album artwork that I created and this is what I got out of the hospital last year I saw that it was it was you some of it was used but it look like it had been edited somehow is that just rubs me the wrong way and I think it that's like a shity thing to do cuz I don't know about you but a friend shouldn't well sirens there was some Sirens just going by and I thought I was recording this video but I'm writing a Blog what I'm speaking into the of tablet because if I was busy it would be really hard to be typing all of this but to sum it all up I think a response a few weeks ago with is it this weekend we'll talk about the subject of pills and then when that happens it's it's not even mentioned again so I'm trying to. Put as he was identity out there but I remember also blocking about my friends who had really hurt my feelings this is the same friend if there is just Ben selfish behavior on the other part again and again and it's not cool and especially with how the difficult things have been and I'm not I don't want anyone's sympathy but I might just likes some understanding be because friends or anyone basically says it fits they talk about suicide that it's serious and it's not it's not something that's supposed to be I just have really gotten sick of like that total it's very sad and of it's really sad that you can that best friends that you would deduct do it anything for because just because but they will give you the same date when you have someone who if they say they're going to do it and is always there and does it 2 I've seen probably way too much that bye best friends when it when it comes down to it they're more concerned with themselves and that's a pretty selfish it's especially when just laziness on the other part I just took a huge bong rip Police telephone that's another thing why using the speaker on this s*** because it's typing on the phone cats like whoa It's takes even longer so except some of the things that it's it doesn't allow to forward f*** it has the little like simple do you know what I'm saying but how much do and I lost my train of thought but basically tres just one protect this is that and don't expect to be treated nice. And daididau 8% of people are more concerned with themselves and it's really selfish and it's pretty rude especially with these selfish people aren't getting what they want and then they're like complaining to you about it it's stupid and all these people with goddamn amnesia they say something good don't follow through with it you know what like that previous the topic I was talking about so so anyways that's about all that go to bed it's it's already 3 3 a.m. but this sundowning s*** that's black people only old people had that is he what he's

After i just saw a news story about Brit, it just set in stone how my life and Brit's life intertwine, the headline said, 'Britney rides motorcycle after putting family on blast' i love her. I myself posted a meme on my ig of how i hate my brother including its very own scathing caption. So I'm totally for Britney to talk trash on family!

It's 3 a.m. I'm really sad I've been sad all day well I've been sad my whole life but right now I really really sad I hate it I had my appointment with my psychiatrist today and it was all right but I could tell her that I want off the planet because it's it's too much and I am having difficulties so everything is really hard and I'm really sad and all these thoughts that are not even true are going through my head and freaking me out and I hate it it's life time like right now cuz it's really late and I feel so alone that I want to put my head through a window or something cuz I'm driving me insane and I was crying just a few minutes ago I hate it I hate everything pretty much. Getting dubbed had a really negative impact on me and it has not gotten any easier matter of fact it's getting harder and I'm feeling more sad and that it's just awful it's really awful I want out.

So apparently the vmas were on. Mtv has become a joke and the vmas have sucked for years now. I did see that Madonna was there from her ig post. When i was reading the comments, it was really disheartening to see how mean people can be. Even her so called 'fans' are talking shit. I did see some real fans. Her ensemble was interesting. Well Madonnas ensembles have always been on the next level, the vma ensemble wasn't my favorite but Madonna does what she wants and always has. One thing that bothers me is the ageism. The 'old' comments were really mean. One thing is people are so disrespectful and she is a legend and she deserves respect especially while she is still alive. I don't even want to think of life without her in it.

Happy Friday it's already and it's going to be September 11th soon September 11th the tragedy so the other day on Wednesday I was working on my album/EP and at one point I had a mini meltdown but I got it under control but it's pretty cool how my friend/ producer knows all he knows about music s*** He has this software witn all kinds of music I don't know what it's called but samples of s*** like that you know what I mean but he knows and he gave me homework. Since I've been teaching myself the piano and that I don't play in time and he's said I should get a metronome app well I got a real metronome! Its way better than a electronic shit and you can see it. It's pretty cool and it has helped me with keeping time timing. When I do put out my album out it's going to be at the top of the charts.