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butch1977

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Blog Entries posted by butch1977

  1. butch1977
    I said I didn't want to cry tonight, I still haven't but my song 'my Spanish Stuff came on and I'm feeling sad, now silver springs is on and I feel so unhappy and sad. Ever since the gaslighting letter I received,  I've had these sad feelings grow into a crying panic. When I had coronavirus it got much needed sleep . I didn't have any of the panic attacks that were scary. But I've started feeling sadder as the days go by. I hate Christmas time, it is always a sad time for me. I turn into scrooge and I even say ***CENSORED*** Christmas. Ok I'm about to cry so I'm stopping. This Sunday my song Hesperia Lake drops! 
    12:05 am update
    I haven't cried so that's good but I've been close to it many times. I'm trying to stay calm. I'm going to take a shower. 
  2. butch1977

    Icon 2015

    By butch1977,

    I've been an Iconer since the 90s. It has always ruled. It use to be so personal and for die hard fans. Now it seems as if Icon is not what it use to be. The website is not very user friendly and there are issues that do not get addressed. However am i still a fan. DAMN StRAIGHT.
    The Staff is doing mediocre work and it is an insult to Madonna and her fans. There is a rotten apple on the team, or a few.
  3. butch1977

    Icon Gift

    By butch1977,

    Dear Diary,
    Today I was having a day that wasn't nice. Some douche who shouldn't say hurtful things to me did. But hey.
    However there was a package in the mail. I was like, what is this, i haven't ordered anything. So when I opened it i was like Woohoo! It is the beautiful lithograph of Madonna it is all about Celebration. There was a Icon Member card also. I love it. I remember the first one I ever had, had my Icon number written in the back.
    Anyhow, I ***CENSORED*** Love it!

  4. butch1977

    Iconic

    By butch1977,


    Sonic Pressure
    I'm listening to Rebel Heart and Iconic is playing right now. So Apple music recently approved me to edit Sonic Pressure, I also am in the process of getting the official artist page on youtube for Sonic Pressure. Amazon music has the Amazon for Artists where I can see who's listened to my music. Japan and Brazil are listening to me most, Mexico also. I was looking at it and i've noticed that the most listened to songs are the sad ones. 
    I don't know even know what is really going on with my friend/producer. Since January he hasn't really had much to do with me and my music. I know that he is really busy with some new projects but ever since I got on that musixmatch site to edit lyrics, sync my music, add credits. I still put his name to give him credit and since he hadn't joined the site, it gave me options to share the link with him. So I sent an email and he responded, saying that he joined the site. So he's waiting for his approval.
    Ever since my friend/producer deleted my music and even before this I've felt this strange energy, like there is some kind of secret or something going on that I'm not aware of. I just have this feeling, and most of the time my feelings are right. He was supposed to help me with the Epilogue EP, He kept saying he was going to look at the things I had but he just kept saying that and never gave any input or even responded to messages. But I've seen on Musixmatch that he has all this music and the 'artists' that he's working with. So I'm confused .
  6. butch1977

    Insomnia

    By butch1977,


    Madonna
    I know Madonna is a night owl and she usually up pretty late. I'd love to have a late night chat with her. I actually think it would be really cool to create music with her. I wonder what Madonna would think of Hotdogs. I have that dream of the Hotdogs dance remix that would feature Britney. If I found a magic lamp I'd make a wish that would I'd have a dance remix of hotdogs that would be featuring Madonna and Britney Spears. I would like to share my music and the story behind my music with Britney and Madonna. We are all middle children too! 
  7. butch1977

    Insomnia Sux

    By butch1977,

    So, i just uploaded some pics of the garden this year. I've been in a deep depression. 
    So I'm about to take a bong rip. 
    Bong rips are so good
    We'll just take a  couple of bong rips and everything will be ok.
  8. butch1977

    Instagram

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    So I've spent a majority of last night and this morning in tears. I've just been really down,  i was just on ig.  I was taking some bong rips and i saw Madonna's latest post. She can post whatever she likes. I don't judge. But these days social media haters are downright mean. The comments made me really sad,  they were  a majority  of mean, ageist comments.  The amount of comments coming from life long fans who  don't consider themselves fans anymore. Madonna has been pushing buttons since day one.  But this I don't understand giving haters more fuel to talk shit.  Madonna can shock people  in many ways.  She doesn't need to get naked. These days, people are ridiculed no matter what they do. Someone always gets upset about something,  but  she's giving haters material and having comments on is just allowing and  welcoming the negativity. Unless Madonna wants to read mean things about herself.  I just really am sad and really depressed and  seeing all the comments bashing her just bothers me. Right now i need some positivity  because I've lost it  Feeling hopeless has been trying to take over.
  9. butch1977

    INTERSCOPE SUX!!!!!

    By butch1977,

    Well first off let me say interscope sux a big one!!!
     
     
    I ordered the MDNA dvd from amazon. I was so excited when I got it in the mail, HOWEVER! When I put the dvd on; I was in for a rude awakening. So the monks are coming out and ringing the bell.....THE PICTURE FREEZES UP!!!! I was PISSED! I fast forwarded to see if it was messed up it kept freezing and the sound still was playing! I put it in another dvd player, IT kept freezing up over and over again! I was getting more pissed! So then after being really disappointed after MONTHS of anticipation it was a real BUZZ KILL! So I go to amazon to get another copy of the DVD, Well when it came in the mail I put it in the Xbox to play and the MOTHERF*CKER FROZE IN THE SAME PLACE, The exact same place as the other one. So now i'm pretty frustrated. So I went to amazon and it says the dvd was out of stock and I would get a refund. HUHHHHHHH!
    So then I was reading alot of people were having problems with the blu ray and it was RECALLED!!!! What the hell! Interscope sux!!! Since M has left warner bros, the icon site has been out of wack! On all her other tours there was always alot of notice ahead of all the details. When the MDNA tour was announced it was right after the Superbowl and on Icon we didn't really hear jack about the tour when the tickets were on sale, etc. Now Interscope puts out Madonna's record breaking tour with a botched dvd/blue ray that doesn't work and gets recalled! We all know this has never happened in the history of MADONNA! She worked really hard on the project and interscope gets a manufacturer that SUX and does a shitty job of incompetence. How does this happen these days. Madonna is the queen of pop, a legend and the most successful artist, I would expect this from a hannah montana dvd or something else that sux! Another note, when Icon put the links out to buy the dvd, they were another country!!! Also I noticed that there was no live cd with the dvd, you have to buy it separately! What is up with that! With this economy I would have to do my hustle to get both! I had already paid an arm and a leg for 2 tix to the l.a. show and i was PRACTICALLY BEHIND THE STAGE! Horrible seats!!!!! So you can understand another reason i was excited to see the dvd and watch the way it was meant to be!
    Anyhow, I'm gonna go out and smoke some grass! Guess what i'm going to do in a moment......
    I'm going to attempt to buy the dvd again and pray it's not A BOTCHED poorly made disc!
     
    Rant over! I feel like Casey Kasem!!!
  10. butch1977
    Dear diary,
    Yesterday was my birthday it was very tight. i turned 18 and i wanted a bunch of confetti on my face. Today one year ago, Michael went home to Jesus.
    Last night i created a piece of art, i used my watercolors and some others. I painted a heart and in the heart it said.  It had to be about love and not make you too sad, so when you see something that Rulz is the real deal. It doesn't need explanation.
    'Michael Jackson Rulz'
    On the back of the painting my family all signed it and a special note to Michael.
    At Forest Lawn, it was pretty sad, i'm not a big fan of death and all that jazz. However the place was huge, we left pretty early and there was a shitload of News Crews, there was even a goddamned helicopter hovering the cemetery and let me say they were having funerals there too. I bet the family loved that. We drove through the front gates and drove through the huge beautiful cemetery. i almost wanted some inhalants.
    Like me, since Michael went to jesus. i've wrote oodles on it, I've always wanted to make a difference in the world. It's hard when you've been pretty much depressed since birth. So in my lifetime I've always listened to Michael and when you listen to him you feel it. It's been like a member of my family passed away. I saw all the people showing their love.
    You could feel all the love, people in some awesome Michael shirt's, you know what i'm saying. The flowers and all that jazz were from all over the globe, they were beautiful. A man placed my art among the other flowers and gifts and creations. It was really surreal and not to mention it was hot and humid and I felt like my head was being crushed!
    So I felt like a real ***CENSORED***, i left my camera in the car! ***CENSORED***!
    My sis took a picture of a lady with  a real nice accent and all these people were very friendly. We sat down and had a smoke, i busted out my phone and put on dirty diana, it was on the lowest sound but u heard it. Then some bozo came and sat by us talking about meeting Stan Chambers and meeting Chong. It was wierd. I have a bunch of other stuff to say. however see ya
    Mi Sister and I went to Forest Lawn and showed our love and respect and then some. I wasn't a fan of the bozos saying, 'Don't congregate' Keep the line moving. So we didn't get to have a moment to bow my head. I also wanted to
    Any
  11. butch1977

    Jackson Wang

    By butch1977,


    Life
    On Wednesday my sister and I went to see Jackson Wang at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, it was the first time I'd ever been to the Shrine Auditorium. My sister is a big fan and I really don't know much of his music that well. It was pretty cool. I had enjoyed myself. One thing that was strange was all the things that were not allowed in the building. The first time I had ever seen chapstick listed and it wasn't allowed. I brought it in anyways cuz I need my damn chapstick. When I was a little kid in school, my lips would get so chapped and they would hurt. My lips are kinda big I guess, my brother use to call me Mick Jagger all the time, but they are real. I've always had a big ass too. I'm glad to say that it is real also. I think that fake kim kardashian ass's are one of the most ridiculous looking kind of plastic surgery that people get. Besides that BBL being really dangerous and lots of people dying during the surgery. It just looks really bad and it looks really unnatural and I don't see why so many people have done it. Just the other day this 'kim kardashian' look alike onlyfans content creator had died during some kind of plastic surgery. I don't know what she was having done, but it looks like she previously had a BBL and breast augmentation. Her face resembled Kim Kardashian but she already had major surgery. I know i've always thought my nose was way too big and it is something that i have said that I'd get it fixed, but when I saw a nose job being performed and the doctor hitting the nose with a hammer. That looked scary as hell so I'm good with my nose. Something that I am having some issues with is my vision. My night vision is getting scarier and scarier it seems and just looking at the screen while I type this it's really blurry and i'm having double vision issues, i'm not sure exactly what it is but. It is something that I've noticed has been getting worse, and driving home the other night, had moments where i have to really. I've driven home from los angeles at night many times, and i never had been scared or driving. But at this rate, i'm concerned at how bad my vision is going to be in October when it's time to go see madonna, and since i'll be going by myself, i'm kind of nervous. Today I had this scary thought of what if I go blind or if something bad is happening. My mom said that my dad said he was having vision issues and that was when he was diagnosed with diabetes. It also runs in my family so I just might be doomed. I hope not.
  12. butch1977

    Jennylo!

    By butch1977,


    JLo
    The greatest thing Jlo has ever done has been Anaconda. I love watching Jlo movies and listening to her music and making fun of it. A couple months ago, my family was having some karaoke fun, for the first time. I busted out Liza Minelli's New York New York and Let's get Loud by Jlo. My Spanish love ballad titled 'My Spanish Stuff' was given that title from this video on youtube titled 'Jlo Acapella Epic Fail' lmao
    I actually got tickets for Jlo's rebranded tour that has had very disappointing sales, the prices for the tickets have come down from and I even saw that in Texas, one of the shows a ticket was below $30 lmao.
  13. butch1977

    Just Luv EP

    By butch1977,


    music
    Well I just finished the Just Luv EP. It is the 2nd ed from the set of 5. It is going to drop on September 11, the first single to be released is Real Brown Eyes. Real Brown Eyes was written in the Shakespearean sonnet format. There are a total of 5 songs. These songs are all about love, as the Feeder EP was about food this is all love songs. Real Brown Eyes is about the same guy who loves Hotdogs.
  14. butch1977

    Kim Kardashian Hollywood App

    By butch1977,


    Kim Kardashian APP
    So I really dislike the kardashians I've always loved Kris Jenner but not the rest of them. However on the Kim Kardashian app, I've played it on and off for a few years and deleted it and then downloaded  again. Then deleted it a few more times. Since Christmas I've been really getting into it. My character got married and I'm on the A list currently. I had not completed tasks and I went to the c list. But I've been doing modeling gigs with kris jenner and she gives me points. Just today kim kardashian who always calls me bestie wanted me to find out the hottest fashions around the world. lmao. i've been on the D list the whole time before. It's hard to believe that i have a big mansion in Bel Air, one in Miami, and two condos one, in hollywood and the other in downtown los angeles, but the Mansion in Bel Air and Miami have no furniture or anything. That costs K coins and K coins are given specially. Unless you pay real money to get the Kcoins. On the game I currently have $31844
     
    *new idea
    So I just had to make a note of that and do it. I'm think I want to start doing my live streams on youtube. I want to get into the app and how ridiculous it is and all that i do on it. I don't want to do crying live streams lol 
    Last night I was laying down and then some negative thoughts came into my mind and i started getting sad and I didn't want to let it get out of control so I went onto my facebook page for sonic pressure and i went live. when I go live i don't feel like i'm completely alone it's like an invisible friend. sometimes i don't even have anything to say or I babble about all kinds of shit. Well last night, i was pretty stoned and passed out and fell asleep and my phone continued to stream live for over 4 hours till the battery died. So that sleeping live video isn't very exciting and it's kinda boring, so i'm gonna chat about the kim kardashian app and the kim kardashian trashcan.
  15. butch1977

    Kim Kardashian Hollywood App Ending

    By butch1977,


    Kim Kardashian APP
    So on April 9 the Kim Kardashian Hollywood Game app will be no more. I'm not very happy about that, I'm not the only one who is displeased because someone started an actual petition to keep the game going. I'm not ashamed to say that I signed it and even left made a video comment. There is a thread on reddit with players of the game. There are some diehard fans who have been playing the game for 10 years, I've played the game for on and off for the last 5 years and it's only been the last year that I really got into it. I've made it to the Alist I have a husband and we adopted a child. I named her Britney after Britney Spears of course and I have a bunch of pets and they look really cute. So that the game will no longer be available it's like my family and pets will be getting abandanoned and that's sad. Sure it's a cheesy game and kim kardashian is a whore and all but the game really has grown on me.
  16. butch1977

    LIVE

    By butch1977,


    live
    I now have I now have the ability to go live on YouTube before when I tried it said I needed to have a certain amount of subscribers so I wasn't able to.  That's bulshit anyways for the last couple months they must have changed it because now my channel.  I am allowed to go live.  Isn't that great so since. Im currently at a very depressed era in my life.  More than ive ever felt.  one thing that I did notice is when I'm feeling so lonely and awful really late.  Going live is like you're talking to someone and i dont feel  completely alone.  So  last night I went live and was talking about an hour and a half I was like I'm Delilah Hamlin and her really long live on ig and none of it was like thought out or planned there was no script behind it but I cover up lot of topics and very personal topics ones that I've only went into on certain forms I've blogged about it on here before. The abuse  s*** . I'm talking about rape and all that and it was It was kind of bizarre because it's very very personal and private and from my videos on my YouTube tell me the person behind all of that there's an I've never really made videos with myself I've never made them where I talked in them previously because I didn't don't like the my voice so putting my face and voice has not been something that I've that I've always done I would say the past 2 years maybe. II don't think anyone will ever watch those videos of me babbling on and on about all kinds of s*** .
    So in other news I am going to work on my album this Sunday I was supposed to on Wednesday but it didn't happen and it was supposed to happen last week sometime it didn't happen either My producer has been a little preoccupied with himself and his other Music . One of them is a band that's been broken up for about 10 years plus and he just recently had said that he was had so much stuff that he was doing and he needed to slow down but when Instagram shows all those stories and shit he's posting of all of this his other music. Songs that were not recorded and unheard Little Gems.  I think that they that wait another few months because I think I originally said that there was talk that my album would be out by Halloween . I didn't think it was going to be done I was right. But when I see that there's other stuff that's getting attention that I had heard was not going to get attention I get confused and it irritates me . I don't mind that people have other things to do but don't say you're going to do something and then not.
    If it's all talk and no action then that's all it is is just talk. It's very frustrating when people get amnesia like that so easily they just forget what they talked about or what they said they were going to do. I don't get it cuz I know what I say and when I say I'm going to do something I do it and I get the job done . I take  giving my word serious. I don't say I'm going to do something and not do it if I say I'm going to do it you better believe I'll do it and if I promise that I'll do it there's no way in hell that I will not do it because it's a promise I will do it and I keep my word. With me it's loyalty, kindness and honesty and no bulshit I keep it real.
  17. butch1977

    Living For Love

    By butch1977,

    So today I showed my nieces and nephew madonna at the Brit awards and how a true superstar gets it done. My niece will be 17 in July. She already saw madonna in Vegas for sticky and sweet. The next generation of fans knows what's up.
  18. butch1977

    Lockdown,

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    California  is on lockdown again.  I've bedn miserable and in pain, ths kidney stones are hurting,  the toothache. Recovery from my appendix ruptured.  And getting dumped has be brokenhearted and devastated.  It's been a  real struggle.  It's Christmas time and Christmas make me really sad.
  19. butch1977

    Lonely

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    It's about 2:30 a.m. and I'm starting to feel sad. It's that really bad feeling. I feel really lonely right now. the loneliness is so awful it makes me want to just jump out of my skin but I can't and there's nowhere to go and there's nothing that  will make it stop. Ever since the disintegration getting dumped. Everything has been really tough besides my appendix rupturing and having to go to the hospital and have surgery last year but I feel so alone is it it's awful in my mind starts thinking all this crazy s*** is it sucks there's nothing worse than having meltdown at like 3 in the morning and you're all alone it sucks. I have this anxious feeling and it's kind of scaring me. It always happens late at night. My mind starts to think way too much and think about things that do nothing to help all it does is make me start to panic and it's hard. I've really been practicing on the keyboard and coming up with my own melodies and writing songs it's a new way of therapy. my friend is a musician and he's in a band and he is helping me to create some music and an album or e.p. he said a breakup album and a sad and bittersweet tale
  21. butch1977

    MADAME X FANS

    By butch1977,

    I'm really excited, I got confirmation for the Madame X Tour at the Wiltern for November 14. I've been a Madonna fan all my life. I've been reading members posts on the forum and some of the posts are kind of sad. For instance, fans who were members back in the day when u had to pay for membership but when things changed on the website and became free. People now have different statuses.  I'm glad im a legacy member, but for long time fans who aren't given legacy status due to dates when they joined the website. That sux. I've seen M for The Reinvention Tour, Coachella, Confessions, Sticky and Sweet,  Mdna (awful behind the stage seats) and the Rebel Heart tour. So I know the excitement and anxiety of getting tickets. Madame X tickets are different than any other show. So it's been a new kind of anxiety to get tickets. Good luck and energy to all my fellow Madonna fans.
  24. butch1977

    Madame X Xcitement!

    By butch1977,

    So I'm blasting I'll Remember, I'm feeling the excitement and anticipation! It's like gonna be the bomb! I'm so excited to see her perform at the Wiltern, it's a beautiful theater.  Right now, all these bozos on social media.
     
    PAUSE,
    I'm having a meltdown.  will post later on this .
  25. butch1977

    Madonna

    By butch1977,


    Life
    So on June 24, my birthday Madonna was in the Intensive care unit. That really scares me, I don't like reading that she was unresponsive, it sends fear to my bones. Madonna has been my favorite artist and my idol all of my life. I don't even want to think of a world without her in it. It would absolutely crush me. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I hope she is here with us for a long time. Just even writing about this bothers me and I don't like it. Madonna is a force to be reckoned with, she's strong and she's also human. And human's unfortunately aren't invinceable. I wonder why I'm the only online user right now. I know everyone else is probably on some kind of other social media but I really would like to see more Iconers more active on here. I know the forum has active users I use to be more active in the forums but not very much these days. Maybe I should try and get more active.
     
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