I said I didn't want to cry tonight, I still haven't but my song 'my Spanish Stuff came on and I'm feeling sad, now silver springs is on and I feel so unhappy and sad. Ever since the gaslighting letter I received,  I've had these sad feelings grow into a crying panic. When I had coronavirus it got much needed sleep . I didn't have any of the panic attacks that were scary. But I've started feeling sadder as the days go by. I hate Christmas time, it is always a sad time for me. I turn into scrooge and I even say ***CENSORED*** Christmas. Ok I'm about to cry so I'm stopping. This Sunday my song Hesperia Lake drops! 

12:05 am update

I haven't cried so that's good but I've been close to it many times. I'm trying to stay calm. I'm going to take a shower.