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My plan is to finish this musical project before the year is over. I redid all the demos except a couple. I have already wrote a bunch of sonnets for the next project. It's a different subject matter. I've been working on this music project for almost a year. I have put my heart and soul into it. It's still very difficult and it hurts  that I haven't heard a word from the person who was the inspiration.  The hurt hasn't went away, the love never went away. The hurt has only grown to sad and lonely bitterness.  I know what we had was very special but it's like it was erased. But it was real and it was a fairytale because while it lasted, I loved every moment,  but with how painful this is. I wish we would have never met. To feel love like you had never known was possible and the positive things that love does. To lose that love because of sabotage just makes it even more a shitty situation. It's almost like a battle to keep the sadness away. I'm just so unhappy I'm trying everything I can to keep myself busy and occupied. Feeling rejected and unloved is such a lonely shitty place.


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