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butch1977

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Blog Entries posted by butch1977

  1. butch1977

    The Dentist pt. 2

    By butch1977,

    So let me just say how tainted the dentist was. I hated it. however the nitrous was decent, however you would never guess the song that comes on when they turn the gas on.........the ***CENSORED*** Macarena! LMAO! at first i was thinking what the f*ck! am i really under some good shit or is macarena blasting in my mind.  well they were really blasting the macarena, then i'm giggling like a dope and having a flashback of me and my sister doing the macarena at our other sister's wedding reception back in 1996 and let me just say, we were tearing it up and this was before the macarena swept the nation and everyone knew it. LMAO. But let me say, unfortunately it was all caught on video, so someday when I become a household name my dreaded Macarena footage might come back and kick my ass.

    Anyhow, the appt went decent and I'm not in total pain and my dentist looked like Celine Dion to boot!

    toodles
  2. butch1977

    This Is It pt. 2

    By butch1977,

    Well Hello kids,

    I just got home from seeing 'This is It'.

    IT RULZ!!!


    It was ***CENSORED*** awesome.  There is so many awesome parts I can't even begin to tell you.  It was brilliant. If you are a Michael fan, then you will absolutely love it. You will be moved and it shows what a extraordinary human being he was.

    xoxo

    Learn To Love
  3. butch1977

    This Is It!

    By butch1977,

    Friends of Friends, I'm so excited on Tuesday the October 27, Me and my club are gonna see 'This is It' ! It's the day before it comes out to the rest of the world so I ain't gonna lie. I'm so damned excited! I still haven't really come to terms with Michael being gone. I always loved him and thought he was amazing, but I never thought what actually happened would have happened.  I didn't know how sad and how hard I would take his passing.   Michael was and always had been part of my life. I still am in a state of disbelief, yet it's not like it was when it first happened. Michael was an amazing human being with so much to give to the world. I believe he truly is a saint. I just finished this montage 'Michael Jackson Rulz' Y'all know bout my creations, my montages's in the 'Rulz' series. I made UPDATED 10/27/09 So today is the day, tonight we're gonna see THIS IS IT at 9:00 p.m. I'm so glad, at first I the shitty city I live in wasn't going to play it; so I'm pretty jazzed cuz it's playing in the new theatre and before the worldwide release.  This theatre is one of the only ones in California where they apparently have seats that move. I think it's kinda like Star Tours at Disney. That was back in the good ole days when Disneyland was a great place, Captain EO was there also. Now it is run by a bunch of greedy cunts who have completely shit on Walt Disney's dream. It's pretty sad. However that is a whole other story. I won't even go there cuz I will be writing until hell freezes over. It's also kinda the way I feel about usa. Did you notice I didn't capitalize it. A nation which was based on freedom and equality, even though it was stolen from the native people and they were massacred. So truthfully the whole thing is a crock and full of corruption. Once again something I held in high regard and really loved was destroyed by GREED!   Anyhow, I'm going off topic as usual. That is another reason why Michael Jackson was the epitome of a Superstar. He helped people, the world, long before this trend of 'go green' started. Sorry assholes but the damage is done. I've cared about the environment since day one and done what I could do as myself to help the planet.  The ozone isn't going to mend itself, the ancient redwoods, rainforests, animals that have been exterminated aren't going to come back cuz some shitheads are now so concerned about the planet and 'going green' is gonna save us. Losing Michael Jackson was a loss to the world; for humanity and for life in all shapes and forms.  He is the first person I've admired has passed away. I don't wanna sound like the total manic depressant, however I have my awesome moments for instance, as I'm typing, 'Unskinny Bop' came blasting on and I just started singing and I wanna dance as well. (This summer my sis and I saw Brett Michaels at the County Fair) there were so many old people trying to hold onto their youth it was hilarious. ALSO, I was blasting Celebration and listening to it and blasting it makes me feel good. Viva Madonna!  I love her! Anyhow.  I'm not totally miserable all the time but I get sad. I have to have hope for humanity cuz someone needs to. XOXO Long Live Michael Jackson
    "We're The World" There comes a time when we hear a certain call
    When the world must come together as one
    There are people dying
    and it's time to lend a hand to life
    There greatest gift of all We can't go on pretending day by day
    That someone, somewhere will soon make a change
    We are all a part of God's great big family
    And the truth, you know,
    Love is all we need We are the world, we are the children
    We are the ones who make a brighter day
    So let's start giving
    There's a choice we're making
    We're saving our own lives
    it's true we'll make a better day
    Just you and me Send them your heart so they'll know that someone cares
    And their lives will be stronger and free
    As God has shown us by turning stones to bread
    So we all must lend a helping hand When you're down and out, there seems no hope at all
    But if you just believe there's no way we can fall
    Let us realize that a change can only come
    When we stand together as one
    End of Transmission
  4. butch1977

    Icon Gift

    By butch1977,

    Dear Diary,
    Today I was having a day that wasn't nice. Some douche who shouldn't say hurtful things to me did. But hey.
    However there was a package in the mail. I was like, what is this, i haven't ordered anything. So when I opened it i was like Woohoo! It is the beautiful lithograph of Madonna it is all about Celebration. There was a Icon Member card also. I love it. I remember the first one I ever had, had my Icon number written in the back.
    Anyhow, I ***CENSORED*** Love it!

  5. butch1977
    It is now required by law that everyone in California has to wear a fasce mask.  There is a $1000 fine!
    We are on lockdown.  Jesus take the wheel. Or find me a time machine  and take me back to 1987.
  6. butch1977

    Seclusion

    By butch1977,

    Dear Diary,  First off I'm kind of stoned. The state of the world is a mess. The white privilege is out of control. These people protesting the social distancing. The stupidity is endless. Trump needs to get assassinated. He has akways been a POS. 
    Meanwhile I'm blasting Selena and taking some bong rips. 
  7. butch1977

    Catatonia

    By butch1977,

    So I've been really feeling sad, Sadder than the usual, I miss my husband. 
    I always have had nightmares and i just recently discovered that my bad dreams are night terrors. I hate it, I have this recurring nightmare that I'm on a sinking ship.
    Ever since I got back from Oregon I've really been sad.
  8. butch1977

    Britney is my spirit animal

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    After i just saw a news story about Brit,  it just set in stone how my life and Brit's life intertwine,  the headline said, 'Britney rides motorcycle after putting family on blast' i love her.  I myself posted a meme on my ig of how i hate my brother including its very own scathing caption. So I'm totally for Britney to talk trash on family!
  9. butch1977

    Brittany Murphy

    By butch1977,

    When I turned on my computer I saw that Brittany Murphy's funeral is on Christmas Eve. I've never been a huge fan of hers, however she was in Clueless and I am a huge Alicia fan so you feel me. I know there is all this talk about overdose and all that jazz. It's just a sad story, She was only 32, the same age as me. It is just strange when someone dies that is as old as me. I do say that 1977 was a year when some BOMB people were born. So may she rest in Peace.
     
     

  10. butch1977

    MASKS!

    By butch1977,

    Dear blog, well now it is required by the law that in California you must wear a mask! There will be a $1000 fine if you aren't wearing a mask. It's unreal, 2 weeks ago my dog died and then last week my cousin died. It's been rough, on April 9 it marks the 20 year anniversary of  EXPLICIT getting raped. I've blogged about it before so no need to bring up shitty things. #survivor So it's been emotional like I'm sure everyone  is having a difficult time. 
    I went to Stater bros to do some grocery shopping and i wore a bandana as a mask.  Tjis is the twilight zone!
    Be safe everyone. 
  12. butch1977

    Really Sad

    By butch1977,


    Yikes
    It's 3 a.m. I'm really sad I've been sad all day well I've been sad my whole life but right now I really really sad I hate it I had my appointment with my psychiatrist today and it was all right but I could tell her that I want off the planet because it's it's too much and I am having difficulties so everything is really hard and I'm really sad and all these thoughts that are not even true are going through my head and freaking me out and I hate it it's life time like right now cuz it's really late and I feel so alone that I want to put my head through a window or something cuz I'm driving me insane and I was crying just a few minutes ago I hate it I hate everything pretty much. Getting dubbed had a really negative impact on me and it has not gotten any easier matter of fact it's getting harder and I'm feeling more sad and that it's just awful it's really awful I want out.
  13. butch1977

    Lonely

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    It's about 2:30 a.m. and I'm starting to feel sad. It's that really bad feeling. I feel really lonely right now. the loneliness is so awful it makes me want to just jump out of my skin but I can't and there's nowhere to go and there's nothing that  will make it stop. Ever since the disintegration getting dumped. Everything has been really tough besides my appendix rupturing and having to go to the hospital and have surgery last year but I feel so alone is it it's awful in my mind starts thinking all this crazy s*** is it sucks there's nothing worse than having meltdown at like 3 in the morning and you're all alone it sucks. I have this anxious feeling and it's kind of scaring me. It always happens late at night. My mind starts to think way too much and think about things that do nothing to help all it does is make me start to panic and it's hard. I've really been practicing on the keyboard and coming up with my own melodies and writing songs it's a new way of therapy. my friend is a musician and he's in a band and he is helping me to create some music and an album or e.p. he said a breakup album and a sad and bittersweet tale
  15. butch1977

    Beyond sad

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    My dog Rafael passed away unexpectedly.  I've have been in a deep depression. Tjis had made my already fragile state of mind into a nose dive. It's eeally difficult.  Being an empath on top of it.  Id rather be having a nightmare because nightmares aren't real and wake up. I so sad and lonely. Im so damn stoned 
  16. butch1977

    Ticketmaster sux

    By butch1977,


    tickets
    So I've met a new friend. He's a nice guy. He is a cancer like I am. I've never went out with another cancer before. We hung out and I showed him my Madonna records. He was wowed by the Like a Prayer record and that it smells of pachouli. I might have misspelled that. So I was driving over to visit my friend and I stopped for gas. I wasn't shocked when the machine said 'card declined' I'm glad I had some cash and could put some gas in.  
    But anyways I mentioned how much ticketmaster sux, well if they would have had the buy now pay later feature working than I wouldn't have had this happen. My ticket with all the fees was over $230 and it's not alot to some people. But hey i'm going to see madonna, so who cares. lmao, I saw a ticket in my section being sold for over 600 and tickets with obstructed side views for 125, I had obstructed views for MDNA they were practically behind the stage they were awful. So I will be going alone, and i would rather not but i'm still going. 
  17. butch1977

    Sad

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    I'm really sad.  It's the worst ever. Getting dumped, surgery, and more bullshit. My life has fallen apart. I think we are on lockdown too. I hate my nightmares they have always been  scary. Now, my life is worse than a living nightmare. It's awful. Now, i wish that my nightmares were my reality. Because  feeling sad and devastated is unbearable. So ive been trying to keep myself busy.  Im having an episode of mania. I'm going to teach myself to play the piano too. I'm sick of crying. 
  18. butch1977

    Goodbye Felecia

    By butch1977,

    Well I'm able to post on Facebook but I'm being threatened with suspension for 30 days if I violste the terms. Facebook is bullshit. It's depressing and too much drama at least. Here on Icon it's a ghost town.
  19. butch1977

    Sadney

    By butch1977,

    So ive been in a real deep depression. My mind is manic as hell. My husband went to Oregon last july. Last year i was on the chopping block and everything went awry. Then he was in oregon and we became a ling distance relationship.  When i wasted 16 years of my life and i was in a vicious cycle and he lived in this shitty town called Hemet and he was under 100 miles. It would usually take maybe 1 and a half hours to drive. That was all a joke. But here i am alone during a pandemic and my soulmate is over 1000 miles away. 
  20. butch1977

    HOTDOGS

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    I should be happy and excited about Hot Dogs coming out on Sunday it's the first time I will be putting out a song my own song that I wrote by myself and the piano is myself also but right now I just am really sad and in a deep depression again and I hate it I hate feeling so lonely and going on these f****** apps just make you realize that you are completely alone and no one cares and just being on that thing just makes that even more in your face so going on f****** Grindr because you're feeling sad and lonely it's going to make you feel even sadder and even lonelier and I can't take it anymore I really am sick of it so I am coming on and writing a Blog about hot dogs because I'm feeling really sad and if I don't think of something else or do something else I didn't get even sadder and I don't feel like f****** crying in bed against it's just too much I just going to put on Here's Lucy and hopefully not have any nightmares was last night and the night before I've had really awful nightmares the one today I woke up in a likes Panic State all sweaty and and just scared and I hate having these night terrors state I hadn't had one in a few months I haven't had any but just the last weaker so bad dreams and bad dreams and bad dreams and I hate it so I'm trying to take some bong rips and relax my mind but I've said it before getting stoned by myself now isn't fun anymore either it's just lonely and being alone is is tough it's very tough and difficult for me these days I have to sneeze I just sneezed I'm using the text microphone so I don't have to be using the keypad so there might be some errors somewhat but errors but I really don't care I don't even know I'd I just and really tired of it so let me talk about hot dogs instead it's going to be available on all platforms and I am will be known as Sonic pressure the artist and independent artist but my song will be available this Sunday February 6th at 6 a.m. and it's a it's exciting but it's like it's exciting for about me and that's it no one else really gives a s*** so that's like kind of sad but I should be used to it because things always turn out bad it's sad but it's true but it would really be great if my song blew up and because it's pretty cool and it sounds cool but if it do you know really gif it turned into a hit and I'm like I became like known for music wouldn't that be interesting cuz I have a whole bunch of s*** that I have written that original s*** it's not this crap like I love you to Infinity that's ridiculous these other songs in this crap of today but I know if I if I knew someone in like the music business here that a big record label giving me exposure than I know it would blow up because there'd be the exposure cuz these other assholes that blow up it's because they're stuck in your face Kanye West he's no one wants to hear his mouth all of it all of his crap is just annoying and if Madonna is ever reading these like the blog that some of the people on here on icon have left then I'm if she wanted a new sound something that no one's ever heard then she she would want to collaborate with me because no one has ever heard anything like me so of that that would be something good.
  22. butch1977

    200,000

    By butch1977,

    So today it has been raining and cold all day. I watched the Little People Big World marathon. I love that show. I support the LP comunity.
    Anyhow, last night I made a donation to help the people in Haiti, I felt like it was my duty. I remember being in second grade and We are the World was the anthem for USA for Africa. My teacher Mrs. Lowery, I loved her, i remember her playing it and seeing a film in the auditorium about all the starvation and horrible things. I remember how I loved Michael Jackson my whole life just about and I remember bringing money to school because I wanted to help. It wasn't that much but seeing people in pain and more made me feel terrible. Ever since then I've always donated to good causes. When Michael passed away I started to think about the impact he had on my life. I wanted to help people and Michael had alot to do with it. I'm sure some of you feel me. I know if Michael was still alive he would help in any way he could. When I read today that 200,000 people have died and I read today about all the animals that need help too. I am a huge animal lover and when I read about all these poor people and families I had a emotional meltdown. It is another horrible tragedy, in our life time. September 22, the Tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, and now Haiti.
    In 2008 I lost my uncle, my grandpa (he was 93), my baby nephew, I was there when he was taken off life support it was the worst experience of my life. When I left the hospital I remember blasting Hard Candy my way home. Then in November my cat White Eye who was 18 years old passed away. He was a persian and beautiful, he was the only kitten his mother had (Cookie) he was born at our house and he was part of the family. It was so sad I can't explain it. I had two dogs pass away also, Ole Boy and Samantha. I remember saying to myself that if anything else I loved died I was going to go catatonic.
    Then on June 25, the day after my birthday, Michael Jackson one of my idols had passed away, Also was Farrah Fawcett and just recently Brittany Murphy. One of my dogs Jack passed away this summer too. I hate death it  ***CENSORED*** sucks.
    I am so tired of all the pain and suffering in the world, we need a celebration. So that is just another reason why I've been blasting Celebration, it can make you stop crying and wanna dance. also the message just makes you feel good.
    Well I guess I'm just thinking and typing my mind out.
    'There is so much destruction what I want is a celebration'
    xoxo
    buzz
  23. butch1977

    Sad

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    I was uploading pictures and then i saw all these other old pictures. Now i feel like i wanna cry. I'm all alone. And im sad. Yeah now I'm crying i hate it. 😢😧
  24. butch1977

    PHONES SUCK

    By butch1977,


    Menk
    So my current phone, the galaxy s7 active is not working correctly I am using this galaxy s4. ***CENSORED*** att, 
    When this phone was acting up, something with the memory card always had errors.  Then since I'm not rich my current phone the galaxy s7 cost me a thousands of dollars. The morons at att, added a new number with a line of service that I had to pay. I needed a new phone, not a new number. The ONLY way to to fix this was to pay the full balance instead of payments. So I was now paying 65.00 more cuz this new number. U know att screwed up. From what I was told from one of the many customer service representatives there was no way to override this in their computer service. Yet there mobile site has been revamped multiple times.  Atts Facebook had blocked me! There is more but.  This small phone is giving me a headache. 
  25. butch1977

    Forever Sad

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    Right now I'm blasting Hung Up, i just had a little meltdown. I just thought about Ian, I'm clearly not over him. We were best friends and now we don't even speak. Having a broken heart is unbearable. I would rather be at the dentist or in the hospital. It's worse than my nightmares, I'd rather have a night terror. Nightmares end when u wake up, you get to leave the hospital and the dentist.  The nighttime is worse the loneliness i feel is a the worst I've ever felt. I use to like being alone now i just want to hide . It's 4am and i just took a bong rip. I have some dank, so that's good. Last monday i finally had the surgery for my kidney stone problem. Coronavirus canceled it cuz it was supposed to be done in November. Thats like 6 ***CENSORED*** months ago. 
    The last 6 months I've felt the worst physical and mental pain ever. I'm not shitting you. 
    The disintegration of my "soul sister's' over 20 year friendship is really sad and disappointing. The fact that she's actually oblivious to what is going on is astounding to me. Im flabbergasted.  She just keeps putting her foot in her mouth and she's talking such unbelievable talk she's going right up her own asshole and I'm not going there. I didn't want to go on this ride. If anyone out there is feeling sad, i hope u feel better. You do matter.
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