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butch1977

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  2. butch1977

    Ray Of Light Rulz!

    By butch1977,

    Dearest Diary
    I've been feeling really sad lately,  last week one of my cat's 'Kitten'
    passed away she had been sick and we were giving her medicine but
    it didn't help. in 2008 our cat 'White Eye' who was 18 and born at my
    house, since he passed away she just was never the same and her
    health deteriorated. i love my animals with my being so it's rough you
    feel me.
    THIS morning i had meltdown before i got out of bed. it was
    darksided. So I had my appt. with my shrink Dr. Payne, yes pain, isn't
    that a scream. Anyhow it was ok.
    Anyhow, Ray of Light has been a song that saved my life, as hokey as
    it sounds, when it came out there was a family crisis where i ended
    up posting missing signs with my younger sister Mary on them and
    was asking people if they had seen her. She disappeared on them in
    Venice beach, i was  life was chaotic, anyhow i would blast ray of light
    constantly cuz it makes you feel good and gives hope.
    Last month my cousin passed away, a my other sister and i had a
    huge falling out and shit
    I've been blasting RAy of Light alot, When I was driving to my dr appt.
    'Into the Groove' was on coast 103 i blasted it whilst driving my car.
    On the way home i needed to buy thistle seed for my finch friends and
    candy. When i got back in my car, Ray of Light was on, i never have
    heard it on the radio, i was real excited and it felt like it was a light
    was turned on, as i was at a red light i looked at the sign that was
    right on the median it said, 'One Way' and it was the way i was going,
    and that was forward. when i saw it I just thought MDOLLA RULZ, i love
    her, she has helped me in this life on this planet. I know that i have to
    keep going and i can't go back, if i would it would be like i was nicole
    richie driving on the wrong side of the freeway,  It was just another
    reason of how MDOLLA, her music is amazing and she is truly an
    amazing artist. So When you are feeling blue, when you are blasting
    'quicker than a ray of light i'm flying' it makes your soul dance.
    Madonna
    Madonna
    Madonna
  4. butch1977
    I'm blasting Dirty Diana and I'm having fun right now. The last month has been a real test. It's almost like the most time I've ever cried my eyes out in my entire life! Right now I'm thinking Marguerite Perrin! Dirty Diana ended and Vogue is blasting! It's the single that I had the cassette single also!
    Madonna Madonna Madonna
  5. butch1977

    Fur is not a good look.

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    I'm really saddened and disappointed seeing the new photos of madonna with fur. I don't give a flying leap if it's inspired by Marilyn Monroe. The comments about Madonna's physical appearance have been beyond cruel. All i could see was madonna with fur and it really made me sad and disappointed it actually hurts my feelings. Now at the lowest and saddest eras in my life and now i see madonna and fur. Madonna has always been there for me and right now it feels like she told me to go ***CENSORED*** myself. Madonna fur is not a good look. I never talk shit on m but promoting madame x with teasers of kim Kardashian asking madonna a question. Hold up madonna. I luv madame x and the negative comments  about how bad it was. Now wtf it looks like madonna just put the final nail in the coffin for the madame x era. Instead of giving justice to madame x and redemption for the album REMEMBER I LOVE MADAME X the album is brilliant  and i never judge madonna. But to prepare the world for the premier for madame x involves Kim Kardashian asking madonna a question. Wow just wow WOW I'm dumbfounded.  I've mentioned ive NEVER EVER SAID A NEGATIVE THING NEVER IN MY LIFE. ill do a polygraph. I always have been a true fan. But Kardashian was on snl last week joking about oj simpson. She joked about taking a stab at it. That joke is so disrespectful to a woman who was murdered and it doesn't help all the people in horrible and deadly relationships.  ANYWAYS, madonna i don't understand and I've never said ANYTHING bad about u but using kim kardashian to promote madame x is not positive, it's desperate. Kardashian is a fur hag with a sex tape. Not a good look. 
  6. butch1977

    Boring

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    So apparently the vmas were on. Mtv has become a joke and the vmas have sucked for years now. I did see that Madonna was there from her ig post. When i was reading the comments, it was really disheartening to see how mean people can be. Even her so called 'fans' are talking shit. I did see some real fans. Her ensemble was interesting.  Well Madonnas ensembles have always been on the next level, the vma ensemble wasn't my favorite but Madonna does what she wants and always has. One thing that bothers me is the ageism. The 'old' comments were really mean. One thing is people are so disrespectful and she is a legend and she deserves respect especially while she is still alive. I don't even want to think of life without her in it.
  8. butch1977

    Onlyfans influencer

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    So i just smoked a big fattie i rolled. I never had a problem smoking alone. The lonely feeling is just awful. I can't stand it. I can't handle getting even more sad. I created a onlyfans. Right cheek is on it and i wanted to like her and u could only do so if u had a profile lmao. It's sad cuz right cheek sends me all these nasty messages and they always have a price!! It's sad, i gave her a $3 tip and she said what was she gonna do with 3 dollars, i left this long ass comment on how 3 is a lucky number. I decided I'm going to be an influencer on only fans. Lmfao,
    I'm listening to Garbage, they had a new album come out, i got it on cd and green vinyl. I'm high as a kite.
  9. butch1977

    My Music

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    Happy Friday it's already and it's going to be September 11th soon September 11th the tragedy so the other day on Wednesday I was working on my album/EP and at one point I had a mini meltdown but I got it under control but it's pretty cool how my friend/ producer knows all he knows  about music s***  He has this software witn all kinds of music I don't know what it's called but samples of s*** like that you know what I mean but he knows and he gave me homework. Since I've been teaching myself the piano and that I don't play in time and he's said I should get a metronome app well I got a real metronome! Its way better than a electronic shit and you can see it. It's pretty cool and it has helped me with keeping time timing. When I do put out my  album out it's going to be at the top of the charts.
  10. butch1977

    En Vogue & More

    By butch1977,

    The San Bernardino County Fair 2010 in Victorville, California USAHi Friends I'd like to share this with ya'll! Yesterday, Me & my Crew went to the Fair. The San Bernardino County Fair. EN VOGUE was having a concert. So my sis and I were huge En Vogue fans and that they were gonna be up here we had to see them. Then Earlier this week, I found out that 3 of Michael Jackson's rides from Neverland were going to be there. Ya'll know how much my & crew and I love him.
    So seeing En Vogue and some of Michael's actual posessions was going to Rule!
    When the show started I was in a kind of shock and kinda sad that it wasn't a full house.  They were so huge and popular and I never thought they would be at our lame fair, so it was very surreal,  I told my sis, 'They are from our generation!' It was also the original lineup! The real deal.  Anyhow we were sitting in the bleechers that were to the side of the stage and there was no assholes sitting on that side we went up to the top and kicked it. They were great they sounded awesome, I loved the dance moves and even when one of them said they were glad to perform for us even with the 50 mph winds, cuz it is always windy here.  As they were singing their hits and bringing it to us old school.  Some great memories of my teenage years were brought back and it was cool. They wanted us to raise the roof and You best believe I was getting all up in that ***CENSORED***! I thought to myself, they rule and they are here singing good and doing their thing, imma make sure i show my loyalty as a fan and dance and scream. So today I kept thinking to myself, they weren't a trashy, tacky, nasty, talentless assholes. They had class. They didn't need to open up their legs, cuss, a reality show or anything to be who they are and were. Nowadays, music and the world is in a pretty much state of total shit, talentless trash so called singers with sex tapes, teenyboppers that are just lame. Rarely does anything these days have a message or is talent it's all about money and record sales. Yet En Vogue has sold millions and millions and won awards and then some.
    Last year we saw Bret Michaels at the fair, it was great. Except there was alot of cuntz in the crowd.
    So after that I had BEER! Beer You got Beer? Anyhow, we were walking down the way and i was talking about sonic pressure and seeing all the lights and people and then we saw Michael's swings. Even making it better they were BLASTING Michael Jackson music, (I was wearing my Michael shirt also!) Anyhow, Seeing it was kinda dream like. I always wanted to go to Neverland, We've all seen how beautiful it was and all the rides and it was special. I thought this IS Michael's, I wondered which seat he was in and how much he probably loved it, We even wondered which seat Mac was in. Then I was thinking this should still be at Neverland and Michael should still be alive. I almost lost it, however I maintained. When we got on the swings, holy shit, that was spinning so fast and totally crazy, It was amazing. Next we went on THE SPIDER, it was this big shiny black spider looking attraction, it looked brand new on top of it. I can't explain the spinning motion but it was the shit! It was very fun and I was screaming SONIC PRESSURE! Along with the Michael that was Blasting!!!
    Next,
    We went on THE ZIPPER! I'm sure alot of people know what that is. My sis and I sat in the cage and the worker slammed it and I felt like I was about to do time. That shit was insane, the pressure really was increased, I was shouting lots of bizarre and obscene things. We almost died, it was the SHIT!

  11. butch1977

    Just Luv EP

    By butch1977,


    music
    Well I just finished the Just Luv EP. It is the 2nd ed from the set of 5. It is going to drop on September 11, the first single to be released is Real Brown Eyes. Real Brown Eyes was written in the Shakespearean sonnet format. There are a total of 5 songs. These songs are all about love, as the Feeder EP was about food this is all love songs. Real Brown Eyes is about the same guy who loves Hotdogs.
  12. butch1977

    2022

    By butch1977,


    yikes
    Happy New happy New Year it's 2022 so far this year is already sucked really loudly right now and I'm kind of sad and I've high as a kite today was the Rose Parade and I used to always love watching the Rose Parade and what wake up early to watch it that was so stupid that all the one of the flowers apparently was rice it's so stupid
  13. butch1977

    POSTER!

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    Yesterday I got something in the mail I wasn't sure of what it was because I hadn't ordered anything when I opened it it was a package from China and it was a Madonna poster it was its double sided. I've never seen a poster like it before. Wno is it from? I don't know how to say the name exactly but I don't know who sent me it but I like it it's great. So right now I'm going to take a bong rip and I've been feeling really emotional today more than usual and had multiple meltdowns. I hate it it's awful and I wish I could go back in time to about 3 years ago and there is some pivotal points where things would be different right now if something different had been done before it's just a really sad f*****-up situation if you've ever been railroaded and thrown under the bus you know what I'm talking about is it it's not deserved and it's an acceptable but it's still unacceptable budget that I need to accept it because it's a truth and I have no choice but I'm sad about it all.
  14. butch1977

    Calm Down

    By butch1977,


    Vocals
    I'm having a meltdown and I'm trying to calm myself down. I've been really sad all day and do people really over sensitive and had more than one crying episode today and they're happening over and over like back-to-back I can't handle it. I am having anxiety and panic attacks like never before.I've had panic or anxiety attacks since I was a kid but this is scaring me. My sadness and depression is at an all-time high and I think of being an empath make it hard. I'm doing my best to keep busy I've even started learning to play the ukulele and I did the vocals for another song the other day and it was in an actual recording booth and if it's a song that I was in singing is a sad song I wrote it to and came up with a melody but it was a lot different then I'm at the songs did lot different than hot dogs and recording this song as of Ben Waymart that was the scene of it is what was difficult because I'm not a singer I am an artist. It seems like every everyday I'm really like fighting to not be sad to not get sad and it's a losing battle and when it gets night time it gets even worse. It gets awful and the loneliness is almost unbearable.  I'm so unhappy,  I actually have a song that's available on itunes and i hate itunes.  I believe Hotdogs could be a hit. But there's a black cloud that is always close by. The song i was laying vocals for is called Alone and i wrote the lyrics and its a melody i came up with. But it's a sad song. Ive been collaborating with a cool producer named Erric and he even remastered Hotdogs,  The sad song was not easy to sing and nervous laughing isnt sad. I had to feel that sadness  and get sad . It was difficult,  my voice cracked . The producer said 'damn that made me sad'  he said I did well. He said he knew i could do it when i was having doubts. It was intense. 
    My panic meltdown has calmed down  so I'm thankful for that. 
    Have a good weekend everyone. 
  15. butch1977
    Well Kids, It is 7:59, One year ago my posse, my 2 sisters, my niece, and myself were sitting in our seats waiting for Madonna to come out. My niece Emma who is 11 years old, had been asking what time is it, again and again. We were counting down, and when the lights went out, I said to her, Here she comes, the look of excitement and anticipation and happiness was one of the coolest moments in my life. I know I had the same look and feelings, When I was 11 I would have died if I went to a Madonna concert. It was my birthday gift to my niece and it was her first concert and first trip to Vegas. Before the show, we were at one of the stands and I let her pick out anything she wanted. She picked out a pink shirt with M posing with that awesome belt on! My niece wanted to carry the bag, it was cool you know the tour logo on it.
    We all had a blast and my sister said when she saw us walking out that my niece and I had the biggest smiles on our face. Emma was born in 98 when Ray of Light came out and that album changed my life and my niece saved me from committing suicide. So she is very special to me.
    I had to share this with all my fellow Madonna fans cuz I'm sure there are some of you out there who were as excited as I was.
    After the show we walked back to the hotel Emma proudly carrying our bag of goodies. We later went to Denny's and just talked about how much the show and Madonna RULE! Viva Madonna!
    I just turned on my computer and all that jazz just so I could write this blog. At this moment I'm blasting American Life.
    I hope everyone has a great evening!
     
    love love
    buzz
  16. butch1977

    Lockdown,

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    California  is on lockdown again.  I've bedn miserable and in pain, ths kidney stones are hurting,  the toothache. Recovery from my appendix ruptured.  And getting dumped has be brokenhearted and devastated.  It's been a  real struggle.  It's Christmas time and Christmas make me really sad.
  17. butch1977

    Dr. Stella!

    By butch1977,

    https://www.instagram.com/p/CDSY970lOWi/?igshid=yd9htnykq577
     
    Well i haven't been on lately. Ive been having some manic emotional episodes.  No bueno, I'm not going to repeat my feelings. I'll post my Ig post where I express myself.  
  18. butch1977

    Reverbnation.com

    By butch1977,


    Music
    So I'm really focusing into my music.  Because if I don't get control of this sadness. I'm in trouble 
     
    Check Out Sonic Pressure on ReverbNation! - http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/artist/6953546
  19. butch1977

    LIVE

    By butch1977,


    live
    I now have I now have the ability to go live on YouTube before when I tried it said I needed to have a certain amount of subscribers so I wasn't able to.  That's bulshit anyways for the last couple months they must have changed it because now my channel.  I am allowed to go live.  Isn't that great so since. Im currently at a very depressed era in my life.  More than ive ever felt.  one thing that I did notice is when I'm feeling so lonely and awful really late.  Going live is like you're talking to someone and i dont feel  completely alone.  So  last night I went live and was talking about an hour and a half I was like I'm Delilah Hamlin and her really long live on ig and none of it was like thought out or planned there was no script behind it but I cover up lot of topics and very personal topics ones that I've only went into on certain forms I've blogged about it on here before. The abuse  s*** . I'm talking about rape and all that and it was It was kind of bizarre because it's very very personal and private and from my videos on my YouTube tell me the person behind all of that there's an I've never really made videos with myself I've never made them where I talked in them previously because I didn't don't like the my voice so putting my face and voice has not been something that I've that I've always done I would say the past 2 years maybe. II don't think anyone will ever watch those videos of me babbling on and on about all kinds of s*** .
    So in other news I am going to work on my album this Sunday I was supposed to on Wednesday but it didn't happen and it was supposed to happen last week sometime it didn't happen either My producer has been a little preoccupied with himself and his other Music . One of them is a band that's been broken up for about 10 years plus and he just recently had said that he was had so much stuff that he was doing and he needed to slow down but when Instagram shows all those stories and shit he's posting of all of this his other music. Songs that were not recorded and unheard Little Gems.  I think that they that wait another few months because I think I originally said that there was talk that my album would be out by Halloween . I didn't think it was going to be done I was right. But when I see that there's other stuff that's getting attention that I had heard was not going to get attention I get confused and it irritates me . I don't mind that people have other things to do but don't say you're going to do something and then not.
    If it's all talk and no action then that's all it is is just talk. It's very frustrating when people get amnesia like that so easily they just forget what they talked about or what they said they were going to do. I don't get it cuz I know what I say and when I say I'm going to do something I do it and I get the job done . I take  giving my word serious. I don't say I'm going to do something and not do it if I say I'm going to do it you better believe I'll do it and if I promise that I'll do it there's no way in hell that I will not do it because it's a promise I will do it and I keep my word. With me it's loyalty, kindness and honesty and no bulshit I keep it real.
  20. butch1977

    Instagram

    By butch1977,


    Mood
    So I've spent a majority of last night and this morning in tears. I've just been really down,  i was just on ig.  I was taking some bong rips and i saw Madonna's latest post. She can post whatever she likes. I don't judge. But these days social media haters are downright mean. The comments made me really sad,  they were  a majority  of mean, ageist comments.  The amount of comments coming from life long fans who  don't consider themselves fans anymore. Madonna has been pushing buttons since day one.  But this I don't understand giving haters more fuel to talk shit.  Madonna can shock people  in many ways.  She doesn't need to get naked. These days, people are ridiculed no matter what they do. Someone always gets upset about something,  but  she's giving haters material and having comments on is just allowing and  welcoming the negativity. Unless Madonna wants to read mean things about herself.  I just really am sad and really depressed and  seeing all the comments bashing her just bothers me. Right now i need some positivity  because I've lost it  Feeling hopeless has been trying to take over.
  21. butch1977

    Happy 2010

    By butch1977,

    Well it's a new year, let me just say I hope this year is better than my last 10 years. On new years eve it marked a grim anniversary for me. I met a total douche New Years eve of 99. That douche supplied my past 10 years of sadness, depression, pain, ptsd, and then some. The loser i met was my first real relationship and the worst experience of my life. Since then I've spiraled out of control, my views of everything changed. I had major issues with intimacy and this person knew of them. In order to get what he wanted out of me, I was drugged and then raped. So since then I've seen shrinks many different ones and some whom made things worse. I did psychotherapy two Christmas's ago and that brought everything back and sent me into a major spiral. I wrote some really personal blogs on myspace, it was during my therapy and I was breaking my silence in a way. Maybe one day I might post them on here.
    So if anyone sees any of my videos and they think that I'm making a joke of rape, believe me, I'm not making a joke. It took me years to come to even get myself to say the word rape. The more it is said and talked about that brings attention to the whole subject.
    Well I just wanted to say Happy New Year and I ended up goin on something else.
    To anyone who has ever been taken advantage of or been abused; Stay strong and keep your head up. You are a great person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
    **Also blasting Madonna's music helps you get through tough points in life. When you blast a Madonna song, the tears can be eased by the need to get up and dance.

    xoxo
    b
  23. butch1977

    Insomnia Sux

    By butch1977,

    So, i just uploaded some pics of the garden this year. I've been in a deep depression. 
    So I'm about to take a bong rip. 
    Bong rips are so good
    We'll just take a  couple of bong rips and everything will be ok.
  24. butch1977

    grammys=bs

    By butch1977,

    mj   it's july 31, 2010, it's so tainted, i just think about 2019. I can't wait, This is It came on dvd on tuesday, me mum picked it up for me. she is awesome. i was'nt able to take my mum to see it on the bigscreen. however, i made a whole blog jazz about my crew and i going to see This is It special preview, the day that jenny lo got to see it! We were all up in that *itch. I was sporting a really bomb Michael shirt and my whole crew, me sista and 'friend' and her children, we all looked really off the chain, bruce, 9, and emma ,11, had their special gear on with honoring the one and only michael jackson!
    For emma's birthday i took her to see madonna in vegas for the sticky and sweet tour, and my sis. Anyhow, you feel me, so it was amazing, while we were on the way i felt like was going to see him in concert, but how emotional it was be, there was this energy, we all sat in the third row smack down in the center, nobody was in front, it was the bomb, when he did earthsong and spoke of the planet, i was glad i brought my spongebob rag cuz i couldn't help but crying my eyes out.   Oh Hell no, i hope the grammys get Raped, if that offended you, i don't apologize.
    xoxo   i'm watching this bullshit with my mom and i'm ready to vomit, not even a mention of the king and it should have been dedicated and showing true talent. In the same arena where Michael was going to do things that have never been done, where it was the biggest LED screen ever, a scale size bulldozer, and so much more, and with a message to do good things and save our planet which is dying and things that I would call Saintly, instead we see stacy ferguson who has been trying to be big since kids incorporated and all those other jokes she tried to be in, and she is being censored for cussing. The staples center where Michael danced one last time, June 24, which happened to be my birthday and they have the nerve not to mention that a man who has prisoners and millions of people trying to dance like him and it is'nt even mentioned, well i guess i have to wait till the end. Remember how i said, when at the mtv awards where Michael defined videos and created Short Films. The first thing that happened was Madonna walking out and giving Michael Jackson thanks to his musical and more contributions to the world. That's right. Madonna Rulz and Michael Jackson Rock and Roll Hall of Famers to boot, are the real deal.   i apolgize for something though, this letter i'm typing is really hard to follow cuz i jump from one thing to the next, i guess it's as this show progresses the more ill i feel. Michael made the world a better place and was committed to it.beyonce a standing ovation, a thank you to Michael should have been mentioned she did have a great group where her father kicked out members of the group who had been in since childhood outstanding performance by the crystal meth selling pink. 50 sold out shows, with thousands in cue to get tickets. i'm just appalled, this is astounding to me. Then the nobodies with unoriginal songs but hey taylor swift wrote every song on her album, carrie underwood, all this american idol crap, i guess have talent, that has paula abdul judging people where a fan who she ragged on to kill herself and where humiliating people is the goal. i watched This is It yesterday with my best friend and we were in tears, Michael being gone has been a tragedy for the world. It is a joke that this razzys or grammys have the audacity to put on this bs. when i was in second grade, we are the world was where i had to make a difference. i also donated to the Haiti children and it left me with a whopping 2.19 since balance in my account was irrelevant.   On 4th of july i registered to attend Michael's memorial where Mooriah butchered a song the young King touched millions. So all 8 of my email addresses didn't get chose. I went to Madonna.com and saw that Madonna dedicated her show to him and this was days after he had passed away. She was showing love and support and honor and dedicated Give it 2 Me to the King of Pop, came out and gave a beautiful dedication and told it like it is. Another amazing talented artist showing what another fellow human and artist gave to humanity.   So these bs awards have been on 50 minutes and still no mention other than the announcer saying coming up next his name. Not a word of grammy winner Madonna who just completed her record breaking tour. The highest grossing tour of a solo artist. EVER, who also was going through sadness herself. To keep going on while going through a divorce, whom also dedicated a beautiful tribute for her encore. Not a mention of Madonna or Michael Jackson.
    oh please.   so thats why i hope the grammy's get raped in the ass. i do apologize that is not something nice to say and michael would probably be appalled by that remark.In my 32 years, i've learned that the world doesn't think like i did that people and the system were all good and not corrupt. that i've spiraled and soul searched that maybe i have to learn how to forgive, but than i think that is why jesus christ was a savior who saved our souls from the lake of fire and brimstone, so maybe that is something i should learn to do. Then i think that is why Jesus is another king, and i say that is why i'm just me cuz Jesus forgives and i'm too pissed off. Forgiveness is a key to the answer and to ask Jesus for help, I know he will forgive all the people that deserve to go in old sparky.i'm watching this bullshit with my mom and i'm ready to vomit, not even a mention of the king and it should have been dedicated and showing true talent. pink a legend, i don't think so, a tweeker and a bd. without a doubt, beyonce? who called tina turner the queen of soul. opening with lady gaga. imma bout to blow chunks.Not only did our queen be recognized and finally awarded with the masterpiece Ray Of Light.   The grammy's lowercase, where the final rehearsal was performed, I was disgusted that it opened without even mentioning the 13 time Grammy winner the King of Pop. we get to hear about the other legendary performers like lady gaga an...d her 5 grammy not to mention having the first single ever to debut at #1. The Guiness book of how many charities he was involved.This bozo who is the mc or whatever host, i don't know who he is to boot, he mentions pink, taylor swift, and other talentless trash. this host also joked about Glee the show that made jokes of susan smith who drown her children and said it was a black man who did it.
    This is just sad. If there was no michael these people wouldn't exist, the grammys would'nt be known as the highest honor. He is and will always be the King of Pop. A king for humanity.
    Long Live the King!   Ok, i'm done, it must be the sonic pressure!
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