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I'm having a meltdown and I'm trying to calm myself down. I've been really sad all day and do people really over sensitive and had more than one crying episode today and they're happening over and over like back-to-back I can't handle it. I am having anxiety and panic attacks like never before.I've had panic or anxiety attacks since I was a kid but this is scaring me. My sadness and depression is at an all-time high and I think of being an empath make it hard. I'm doing my best to keep busy I've even started learning to play the ukulele and I did the vocals for another song the other day and it was in an actual recording booth and if it's a song that I was in singing is a sad song I wrote it to and came up with a melody but it was a lot different then I'm at the songs did lot different than hot dogs and recording this song as of Ben Waymart that was the scene of it is what was difficult because I'm not a singer I am an artist. It seems like every everyday I'm really like fighting to not be sad to not get sad and it's a losing battle and when it gets night time it gets even worse. It gets awful and the loneliness is almost unbearable.  I'm so unhappy,  I actually have a song that's available on itunes and i hate itunes.  I believe Hotdogs could be a hit. But there's a black cloud that is always close by. The song i was laying vocals for is called Alone and i wrote the lyrics and its a melody i came up with. But it's a sad song. Ive been collaborating with a cool producer named Erric and he even remastered Hotdogs,  The sad song was not easy to sing and nervous laughing isnt sad. I had to feel that sadness  and get sad . It was difficult,  my voice cracked . The producer said 'damn that made me sad'  he said I did well. He said he knew i could do it when i was having doubts. It was intense. 

My panic meltdown has calmed down  so I'm thankful for that. 

Have a good weekend everyone. 


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