Christmas has only gotten sadder as I've gotten older. I've become quite the Scrooge. The last five years of my life have been pretty chaotic. During this time something happened that turned things around and I was celebrating christmas. i was in love and I was actually happy. I miss that feeling. What is difficult is dealing with the aftermath that has been left from my brother. I would have not gotten dumped by email if my brother wouldn't have sabotaged things. I'm not just making up stories or trying to blame others without merit. My brother deliberately made up lies and created drama in the family. He's been doing it all his life. He wore a bug for the cops and his wife and all her family went to prison, not him. When I was a teenager, he was found beaten up and thrown in a dumpster. Why did that happen, well my other brother said 'he dropped the dime' So that gives you an idea of his character. I've always tried to help him with anything I could. There was even a time I was writing letters to judges about having his kids come live with my family because his parental rights have all been terminated. I went out of my way to help him. It was soon after my first plane flight to oregon and when we drove back. (my song FOTC tells the story) But it was when I got home he told me that i was 'on the chopping block' I didn't know what he was talking about but in the coming months with his constant pot stirring he created this awful oppressive and negative energy the atmosphere was the worst. What is the most fucked up thing was he was doing this to me on purpose, he was telling straight out lies and talking shit on me and I've never done anything to him. He's stole from everyone in my family. So . Will finish later