So I really hate feeling sad it's been getting worse. I just feel so alone and unloved just like I don't even exist and I've always felt like that but now it's almost unbearable being alone and getting stoned is not fun anymore.  it's not I always end up pretty. it's just very difficult to fake out whats in my head. Even listening to music. I'm sure everyone has songs where they get will feel a little sad or feel  but all here this certain songs and I burst into f****** tears and it's happening like a lot and it's kind of scares me because it's it's just so awful.
 I just took a big old bong rip and real life it's not enough I need to like angel dust or something because I need the next level or something. I be im a deep depression like a really deep and it almost feels like it's like I'm doomed and right now my my foot hurts I think I might be getting a gout attack coming on and that hurts when you get that it starts in your life bending your toes and it's feeling this is like the get ready cuz it's going to really hurt and I already have enough on my plate and I lately just want to get all of
So today in the mail I got this poster and it was a it's a Madonna poster and if a double sided but the thing is I did not order this and I didn't buy it and it came from China I don't I'm baffled by what where it came from because I didn't buy it and I don't think I want any kind of contest or some s*** like that. I'm just really sad.