Mia Bella Madonna,
It’s taken me a long time to write, largely because I always figure that these things never get read or even received as there are so many to sort through and I am just me, a small town girl from nowhere important. I actually did write once, when I was very little (7 I believe), as this was when you first entered my life with such a large and important impact that, at this moment, I feel compelled to tell you for one reason or another. I didn’t have a great childhood. I was put on this Earth to parents who were very selfish and so self-absorbed in their own lives, how I felt or what I needed was never very important. Depending on the day, I was either abused or neglected, and I relied on other means to find comfort and guidance that I so desperately was lacking. That was when your voiced touched my ears, and then my heart, and eventually my soul. So many nights when my Mother should have been singing to me, it was you. And you never knew. Your voice provided me the comfort I needed to sleep and to see another day.
As a teen, you taught me many things. You taught me to be smart, to be myself, to be proud, to embrace who I was and to embrace being sexual instead of being afraid or ashamed of it, and most of all to be strong. My need to hear your music, see your movies, or to listen to your interviews went beyond mimicking your style, pure entertainment, or to escape. It was a need to hear your voice and find that comfort I always knew when I was so young that I didn’t understand the lyrics and all I knew was that you made me feel better. I followed your career on through graduation, college, college graduation, and eventually through having my daughter who is 12 and now a huge fan of yours as well.
When we went to the Rebel Heart tour (twice, two different locations in two different states), most of my dreams were realized. You were everything I dreamed you would be. Your performances were stellar and it was so surreal being there, floor level, section 5, the best I could afford on a single Mom budget, so close and yet so far. You still are so beautiful and so strong. Taking it all in, watching my daughter on her feet singing and rocking the night(s) away, it brought me to tears more than once. I realized that this was more than a bucket list concert, this was what my heart yearned for for nearly 3 decades. It has been increasingly difficult to come back to my own reality. The only thing that could have made it better is if I could have told you these things in person, which I realize may never happen in a million years. Tell you how you saved me. I just wanted so much to tell you how you saved me as a girl and as a woman. I will always be eternally grateful for that. And it would be wrong if I didn’t tell you that at least once, even if you never hear it.
Now I see that you are hurting. I’m not going to pretend to know everything because I loathe the media and don’t trust a word they say. I can’t imagine knowing what all you deal with and what all you are going through but I do know what it is to hurt. I perform for work as well. I know what it is like to have to put everything to the side and go out there with a smile and act like nothing is wrong. It is draining and so very exhausting. Between your personal struggles and your work challenges (not to mention the bogus media circus), you are dealing with so much more than the average person has to deal with. You are a performer and a mother but you are still human. You hurt and cry the same way we do but for reasons we can’t understand or relate to. I just want to tell you to be strong. To hang in there. And that things do get better. It may not happen today, tomorrow, or next week but it does get better. And you have so many fans that stand behind you through thick and thin and will always support you. When you hurt, we hurt. You have meant so much to so many, we hear your cries and we are here. I know it sounds trite but your fan base loves you. We know you are strong and can overcome this, it just takes time. Our rebel hearts will forever beat strong and you have an army of people who will not leave you even in the darkest times. You saved me. You saved us. Let us save you.
Rebel Heart for Life,