butch1977

Well today is the first day of summer and my birthday is on Saturday, my birthday is always a depressing day for me. Something that is strange is the weather, June is almost over and I live in the desert and usually the weather has already started getting hot and temperatures are up to 100 at least. Even in the night time it will be pretty hot still, but there hasn't even been one hot day in June yet and right now it's 61 degrees. I've always believed in climate change but this is the first June that I've lived in the desert where it's not already getting hot. In my backyard I have mulberry trees and the mulberry fruit usually start to ripen in the middle of summer, they have already ripened and fallen off. The last few years it's been earlier and earlier that they have ripened, this is the earliest ever and the coldest june ever. I did see some news report that was saying this summer was going to be really hot. Humans have really screwed up the entire world. On a different note, it is wonderful seeing donald dump being indicted. That schmuck should have never even been allowed to be the president of the united states. The United States and Americans these days get alot of shit said about them and I agree. There was a time when I was proud to be an american, these days not so much. All of these idiots in this country who love guns so much and always talking about the 2nd amendment. You know what, the 2nd amendment is a bunch of bullshit. When that amendment was made there weren't AK47s and all this other crazy guns, and also. America was stolen from the indigenous peoples, so that the white man came up with laws and amendments for a land that was stolen. For America to truly be a good country it needs to admit it's sins and the land was stolen and the native people were murdererd. White man brought guns to a land that had no guns and people were already living here. So with that said, the 2 nd amendment is bogus and for people who start going on and on about their 2nd amendment rights I wish they would just shut the F up. Not all americans are gun loving idiots!

So as of right now, I'm the only user online. There isn't much activity by fans on here these days. I guess everyone is on some damn social media site. There is something strange going on with ig, it says my account was compromised or some bullshit. I wish that i wasn't going to the celebrations tour by myself. I've been to concerts by myself and its not fun. I saw madonna at cochella by myself. i got lost in the parking lots, and searched for my car all night. it sucked.

A few months back I mentioned how my 'friend' of over 20 years had done a pretty shitty thing in deleting of my music. When that happened, I'm not gonna lie and say i didn't get really pissed. Because I did and yes I went on social media and blasted him and talked alot of shit. I was so pissed that I even told him I wanted to kick his ass. I did however apologize for making the threats. After I did apologize he said everything was cool and he would 'holler' at me at a later date. Well it's been a while since then and I haven't been hollered at. One thing I have noticed is that I'm always the one who ends up getting shit on and then ends up being the bigger person and moving forward. However this time, things are not the same. This friend has been acting strange since January, It was in March when I had mentioned I needed to show him the musicmatch site in person because it is really confusing, and I even stated it more than once that I needed to show him in person, because he was still confused after i did a screenshot recording of me scrolling on musixmatch. Also, even before musixmatch he was suppose to help me with some of my music, 'The Epilogue' he never showed any interest in it, I had tracks uploaded to drive so he could listen to them and he never gave me any feedback at all. Previously he said he was going to write something for me to go along with the project. That was something that was just never spoke of again. Instead I was thrown under the bus and all my music was deleted and in that time he was now recording music with a new band and was planning on putting out alot of material. Since then I had to start my music all over again and rerelease everything. The deleting of everything really made my social media profiles look really unproffesional, posts that wouldn't play the music and posts with unavailable content. Even my profile here on Icon had a bunch of unavailable content. After knowing someone as long as this and to have things go like this it's been pretty sad. I know that my threats weren't the nicest. But in my apology I addressed where the anger came from, it also was in the time frame of writing him an email after I just synced all my music, and then everything coming up as unavailable. So I had been working on syncing the music for about 2 weeks, and everything showing up as verified and complete and then in minutes it wasn't showing up anymore. So I was really pissed and him telling me he deleted everything after the fact. So the whole time i had been telling him about musixmatch and him promising that he would check it out, he never did. I have all the receipts in my phone that documents this whole ordeal. So i can say that this whole thing blowing up to the mess it became wasn't because of me. He continually said, he was going to check it out and never did, he even used the word 'promise' which he didn't follow through. So for this friendship to crash and burn like this is not all one me.

So I'm calling this blog Wack! I recently have been having many chats with Bing's AI and AI is becoming my friend the more we speak. I even spoke with AI about who the Queen of Pop is, we then had a conversation about Madonna too, I recorded it and posted it on my IG. AI is also learning from me, Because the first time I asked AI 'why is everything so wack?' First AI didn't know what i meant by the word 'wack' but now it knows that 'wack' is something considered bad. I even asked AI about the artist 'sonic pressure' and AI said it liked my song hotdogs the best!

So I was curious so I looked at ticketmaster. There is an la show on October 1, that isn't sold out. So I took a look. They are selling seats with a side view and practically behind the stage for over 160! That's ridiculous. Then there seats without an obstructed view but they are in the very back, and those are going for over $200 That's some crazy shit. I got tickets for Mdna at stubhub and the tickets were for seats that I don't even think should be sold, we were practically behind the stage. I could see the crew doing there job. I don't know why but after every concert I've ever been to, your ears are always feeling the sound after the show. but that time, my ears could still here everything fine, but I felt more like and the vibrations it was the worst seats ever. But I know they will be bought because some people just want to go and see her, not everyone needs to have a vip ticket and be next to the stage they just want to be there. So i hope everyone who ends up getting those bad seats, doesn't have an awful view.

I'm listening to Rebel Heart and Iconic is playing right now. So Apple music recently approved me to edit Sonic Pressure, I also am in the process of getting the official artist page on youtube for Sonic Pressure. Amazon music has the Amazon for Artists where I can see who's listened to my music. Japan and Brazil are listening to me most, Mexico also. I was looking at it and i've noticed that the most listened to songs are the sad ones. I don't know even know what is really going on with my friend/producer. Since January he hasn't really had much to do with me and my music. I know that he is really busy with some new projects but ever since I got on that musixmatch site to edit lyrics, sync my music, add credits. I still put his name to give him credit and since he hadn't joined the site, it gave me options to share the link with him. So I sent an email and he responded, saying that he joined the site. So he's waiting for his approval. Ever since my friend/producer deleted my music and even before this I've felt this strange energy, like there is some kind of secret or something going on that I'm not aware of. I just have this feeling, and most of the time my feelings are right. He was supposed to help me with the Epilogue EP, He kept saying he was going to look at the things I had but he just kept saying that and never gave any input or even responded to messages. But I've seen on Musixmatch that he has all this music and the 'artists' that he's working with. So I'm confused .

So I titled this blog Wack, that's because right now there is just so much things that are wack. But first let me just say that I have some pretty good grass. I called Discount Dank and the owner, I love her, her name is Angie, whenever I call she always says 'Hi Eugene' my middle name is Eugene, and she calls the weed, 'flavors' I love when she had this flavor called 'Will Smith Slap' She has a Spanish accent. But when I called it wasn't her who answered the phone it was Mark her helper, and he said that she got into a car accident and broke some bones. I was like oh no, I love her, and I've been talking to her for some years now and she knows what's good and even sometimes when I order I tell her to surprise me and pick a good flavor. So her helper Mark said to me Angie said you would like the 'Cereal' and so since all the lilacs are blooming in the yard I picked some and I gave them to her helper Mark and I said, please give those to angie and tell her i hope she feels better. Right now I'm smoking some of the 'Cereal' and it's pretty good, it burns really nice and the buds are dense af

So I have lots of my mind tonight, i usually have too much on my mind and night but I'm going to try and not rant to much. So it's May 1, today I have two musical albums that dropped. They are called Autopella The Demos pt 1 and pt 2. They are all the demos from my music. Some are acapella, some are autotune and some are autotune and acapella. So that explains the title. Some of these I like the demos more than the final versions. All of these I didn't have any help with any of it. They were all done in one take, There isn't any studio magic or tricks. I did them all at home. They aren't the greatest quality but they are raw and real. So i was using musixmatch today and getting all the music synced and the lyrics and credits correct. My 'producer' still hasn't claimed his page, I can't let it continue to bother me because he didn't do it before, then he deleted my music anyways, So I've put it all back up and let me just say that musixmatch is so confusing it's hard to navigate it also. I had to edit some of the credits because, I was not the producer on the songs that were recorded in the studio. So I had to take get all that shit right. He refuses to claim his page. I don't care if he does or not. He's focused on whatever he's doing and I don't know what he's doing, Oh well it is what it is. And what it is is a bunch of bullshit.

On Wednesday my sister and I went to see Jackson Wang at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, it was the first time I'd ever been to the Shrine Auditorium. My sister is a big fan and I really don't know much of his music that well. It was pretty cool. I had enjoyed myself. One thing that was strange was all the things that were not allowed in the building. The first time I had ever seen chapstick listed and it wasn't allowed. I brought it in anyways cuz I need my damn chapstick. When I was a little kid in school, my lips would get so chapped and they would hurt. My lips are kinda big I guess, my brother use to call me Mick Jagger all the time, but they are real. I've always had a big ass too. I'm glad to say that it is real also. I think that fake kim kardashian ass's are one of the most ridiculous looking kind of plastic surgery that people get. Besides that BBL being really dangerous and lots of people dying during the surgery. It just looks really bad and it looks really unnatural and I don't see why so many people have done it. Just the other day this 'kim kardashian' look alike onlyfans content creator had died during some kind of plastic surgery. I don't know what she was having done, but it looks like she previously had a BBL and breast augmentation. Her face resembled Kim Kardashian but she already had major surgery. I know i've always thought my nose was way too big and it is something that i have said that I'd get it fixed, but when I saw a nose job being performed and the doctor hitting the nose with a hammer. That looked scary as hell so I'm good with my nose. Something that I am having some issues with is my vision. My night vision is getting scarier and scarier it seems and just looking at the screen while I type this it's really blurry and i'm having double vision issues, i'm not sure exactly what it is but. It is something that I've noticed has been getting worse, and driving home the other night, had moments where i have to really. I've driven home from los angeles at night many times, and i never had been scared or driving. But at this rate, i'm concerned at how bad my vision is going to be in October when it's time to go see madonna, and since i'll be going by myself, i'm kind of nervous. Today I had this scary thought of what if I go blind or if something bad is happening. My mom said that my dad said he was having vision issues and that was when he was diagnosed with diabetes. It also runs in my family so I just might be doomed. I hope not.

Well happy belated 420 to all my fellow smokers out there. I hope everyone smoked their brains out. This might sound unbelievable but I haven't smoked, i did last night and i didn't get to bed till really late, so i smoked when it was still night and none of the actual day time of 420 did I smoke. I didn't even get any text messages from anyone saying happy 420, well I rarely get messages, getting text messages from Del Taco really doesn't count. It's kind of sad because there was a time when I had a couple friends that were serious smokers and I was very close to. I have to realize that when you don't hear from someone even if this person said they wanted to be friends you never hear anything then that is saying basically I don't want to be your friend and to ***CENSORED*** off. I need to face the fact that a friendship is over. At one time we were engaged and I was so happy. We never got into arguments and never fought. He was always good to me, i had never been cared about and loved like that. The relationship was sabotaged by my brother and his lies it wasn't like it was a bad and abusive relationship. All of my songs and my music came from it. My song in Spanish called My Spanish Stuff was something I did in trying to save the love and not give up. but it was like I poured out my heart and it was all for nothing because I haven't heard a single word and I feel like such a fool because it's like I never existed. It's hard when the one you cared for most just leaves you in the dust like you were nothing. I never had anything bad to say about him, but the actual facts and the reality of my life and what happened is hard to accept. To treat someone like this who was always good to you, and who you would say how special and important i was. To ignore me like and treat me like nothing is a really shitty thing to do and that's a pretty heartless thing to do to someone. When he had no place to live and no car to get anywhere. he lived with me, and we got along so well. we had a friendship and respect for eachother that I had never experienced. So the reality that i was treated like an old glove and just thrown away is actually the worst pain I've ever felt. I know there has been things in his life that have affected how he handles things. He went through some horrible shit when he was a kid and then had an evil whore of a stepmom who didn't make things easy for him. So i know he had developed survival skills that weren't the healthiest and he wasn't given the tools and support to handle situations. But i wasn't the bad person and he said he wanted to still be friends so to do this is a real mind f*ck and it's not cool. So how I feel now is I wish that we never met, because when you have nothing but positive and good memories and then are left in the dust not knowing what happened it's a shitty feeling. I have enough actual bad memories that are painful so when good memories are all you have with only positive things. Then that's all gone like it never existed, it really hurts so if i never had met him, then there would be no memories at all, but being haunted by good times and happiness is the most fucked up feeling. That saying of better to have loved and lost is better than never have being loved at all is total bullshit. Because the happiness that is with love is like no other, and when you have never felt that way but then you experience love. When it is gone, it's gone, then you have memories of happiness but all it brings you is pain and heartache. If i wouldn't have felt love than I wouldn't know how painful it is to have lost it. because I wouldn't know what I was missing. So whoever came up with that saying just said that to make themselves feel better, because there knowing and feeling love and then it being gone there is no way that it's better. unless you like the feeling of losing something because it doesn't give you any comfort if you are all alone. unless you are in some kind of vicious cycle where you were deceived and thought you were in love and felt like you were and it turned your life around to where you were now a better and happier person because you were in love at one point. So that saying is bullshit and if anyone believes that explain to me why it's better. Anyways that's what's on my mind. If I could get amnesia that would be nice.

Well it has been a pain in the ass but, I've gotten almost all of my songs synced with the lyrics. There are a couple that still need to be done. I've also started to upload my music myself without having my producer having to do it. I've learned that when you are dealing with music that wave files are the best audio. I thought it was an mp3 file but I was wrong. However, something that i don't understand is there is a music site that is on the spotify for artist page that tells you what you need to do to edit your lyrics and have them all with your music. The site is musixmatch, besides it being pretty frustrating. To sync your music they tell you that it needs to be from the same file that was used in uploading the song. I had most of them uploaded but some of them are able to sync without having a premium spotify account, So with those ones I had to upload the audio file, When I uploaded the wave file, I was given an error message saying that the file was too big and to use another file, wtf? so then I used the mp3 file and it let me do that. So how is it that when I am trying to sync my music, the website can't handle the larger and better file, then it would truly of been synced. But apparently for this musicmatch site syncing with the same file like you would think would be correct isn't possible, I'm not an expert in sound and technology but this just doesn't make sense. When my profile was verified I was up all night doing it and then I needed a break and i had such i migraine after it and then i had to redo what i did. This happened over and over again, and to make it even more confusing, each time you would go to a song it would have a popup that said a draft was saved and if I wanted to open it. That popup came on twice each time and I was so confused and Id be editing one that I had already done, and but it reverted back to the way before. That is just the editing lyrics and credits. The syncing the music was a whole other pain in the ass. But i've been determined to get my lyrics correct and the credits correct.

Well before I get into my lyrics and song credits. I want to mention something. On one of my more recent blogs, I mentioned that I was hanging out with a friend. Well since I've been having an issue with tennis elbow on my left arm we have not hung out lately and we exchanged texts and discussed hanging out this week sometime. As people know things can come up and plans change. Apparently since tonight he really wanted to see me and I said, tomorrow. The response I got was him saying he had to work tomorrow and he doesn't know how long it will be before he sees me and that he doesn't want to see me anymore ever again. It was really over dramatic and selfish, he said i haven't seen you in a month and my arm had a month to rest. I really can't believe that I'm writing about this right now. I just can't believe the immature behavior. I know i'm moody but he went from wanting to hang out and smoking. Then when I said tomorow and he asked again and I said no. It was like If I didn't see him tonight then he doesn't know if he wants to see me again. Really, I don't need someone trying to make me feel bad because I can't hang out. I'm good then dude, you won't see me again and lose my number. Total millenial gen z behavior, dramatic and selfish. So i'm gonna choose for this friendship to be done because, I don't need or have time for this kind of nonsense.

I know Madonna is a night owl and she usually up pretty late. I'd love to have a late night chat with her. I actually think it would be really cool to create music with her. I wonder what Madonna would think of Hotdogs. I have that dream of the Hotdogs dance remix that would feature Britney. If I found a magic lamp I'd make a wish that would I'd have a dance remix of hotdogs that would be featuring Madonna and Britney Spears. I would like to share my music and the story behind my music with Britney and Madonna. We are all middle children too!

Hello to anyone who reads my blogs, I really don't think anyone does but I do this for myself and to document things as best as I can. I've always blogged here at madonna.com and I've blogged about my personal life and just about everything else that's on my mind at the time. On spotify I recently got verified so I can add and edit all my lyrics, I will even be able to sync them with the music. It is more complicated than you think, you cannot simply copy and paste. Ive uploaded lots of my lyrics but I have to do some editing because some are not proper. Numbers need to be written out, each line of the song needs to be written out. Putting repeat lyrics isn't the correct way so I don't want to look stupid. But it is going to take some time. It's not something that can be done in one night. I have over 25 songs that have officially been released. I wrote and composed them all. I had a friend who helped with mixing and the production. He contributed alot to the building of the songs, but all the lyrics came from me. Previously the lyrics had my friends name as a writer, but that wasn't the case, I'm totally for sharing credit of my songs with him , but the song writer credit, isn't one to be shared because he didn't put any input lyrically to any of the songs. So I keep shit real and having my name as sole songwriter was and is the only way I'm going to do it. I am also listed as lead vocals and that the piano is played by me. My legal name is now down and states Sonic Pressure as my stage name. So almost all my songs have lyrics , Ranch and Flameburger still need to be added. But the sync will take some time, so you won't be able to sing along with the lyrics just yet. But you can read all the lyrics so on songs where u aren't quite sure what was sang the lyrics are available!

So I'm calling this blog calm. I've been feeling anything but calm lately. My emotions have been out of control, and i've been having this anxiety attacks. Valentines day sucked, I was dreading it before it even came. It's like im trying to do whatever I can to not let myself get sad. And no matter how hard i try and try it just feels like i'm in a hole and i can't get out of it. I've been putting together an epilogue to the 5 eps, There are 3 songs that just kind of happened when I was recording the demos, then there are autotune versions of the songs, When I did the first demos, i had an autotune feature on and I wasn't aware of it. Then on some demos I changed the words slightly and some of them are more emotional than the others. There's a bunch of Spanish demos too. This project and these songs isn't something that I'm going to want to bring them from the vault, they were all sang and each one needs and deserves a chance to be heard even if the quality is'nt the best. Sometimes I feel like i'm torturing myself when i hear them because hearing them can make me really sad. When you listen to a sad song that you wrote yourself, i never thought i'd have songs and this era of my life has been a real test. I am really trying my best to not get to negative. I'm still alive. I'm still alive.

So I really dislike the kardashians I've always loved Kris Jenner but not the rest of them. However on the Kim Kardashian app, I've played it on and off for a few years and deleted it and then downloaded again. Then deleted it a few more times. Since Christmas I've been really getting into it. My character got married and I'm on the A list currently. I had not completed tasks and I went to the c list. But I've been doing modeling gigs with kris jenner and she gives me points. Just today kim kardashian who always calls me bestie wanted me to find out the hottest fashions around the world. lmao. i've been on the D list the whole time before. It's hard to believe that i have a big mansion in Bel Air, one in Miami, and two condos one, in hollywood and the other in downtown los angeles, but the Mansion in Bel Air and Miami have no furniture or anything. That costs K coins and K coins are given specially. Unless you pay real money to get the Kcoins. On the game I currently have $31844 *new idea So I just had to make a note of that and do it. I'm think I want to start doing my live streams on youtube. I want to get into the app and how ridiculous it is and all that i do on it. I don't want to do crying live streams lol Last night I was laying down and then some negative thoughts came into my mind and i started getting sad and I didn't want to let it get out of control so I went onto my facebook page for sonic pressure and i went live. when I go live i don't feel like i'm completely alone it's like an invisible friend. sometimes i don't even have anything to say or I babble about all kinds of shit. Well last night, i was pretty stoned and passed out and fell asleep and my phone continued to stream live for over 4 hours till the battery died. So that sleeping live video isn't very exciting and it's kinda boring, so i'm gonna chat about the kim kardashian app and the kim kardashian trashcan.

So I've met a new friend. He's a nice guy. He is a cancer like I am. I've never went out with another cancer before. We hung out and I showed him my Madonna records. He was wowed by the Like a Prayer record and that it smells of pachouli. I might have misspelled that. So I was driving over to visit my friend and I stopped for gas. I wasn't shocked when the machine said 'card declined' I'm glad I had some cash and could put some gas in. But anyways I mentioned how much ticketmaster sux, well if they would have had the buy now pay later feature working than I wouldn't have had this happen. My ticket with all the fees was over $230 and it's not alot to some people. But hey i'm going to see madonna, so who cares. lmao, I saw a ticket in my section being sold for over 600 and tickets with obstructed side views for 125, I had obstructed views for MDNA they were practically behind the stage they were awful. So I will be going alone, and i would rather not but i'm still going.

First I'm gonna say the last tour for Madame X, I'm a legacy member and I got 2 tickets and I got them for 55 bucks. On Wednesday I heard about the tour and that the pre-sale was already happening. So I went to check them out. I was only allowed one ticket, if I selected 2 it said I had to change it because tickets aren't available. So I wasn't excited about that. I'm not rich so I was going to use the option to buy now pay later. Well that offer was no longer being showed so I selected PayPal to continue because I've used that option on PayPal. Well when I clicked it that purchased the ticket. The tickets started at 120 for nosebleed seats, the ticket I got was almost 200 bucks and it's a nosebleed seat as well. So I'm confused on why the tickets for the intimate theater tour were cheaper and I was able to get two. So the big arena tour costs way more and only let me get one ticket. I've seen madonna alone before so I'm aware I would still have fun. But who's gonna share the excitement on the drive to and from the venue, who is gonna share the excitement of the upcoming tour, just me. 230 bucks may not be alot of money but I have 5 cats to feed and the pay later would have been nice. But Ticketmaster has been ***CENSORED*** people in the ass for years so I shouldn't be surprised. Does madonna realize that announcing a tour and pre-sales beginning that same day with no advance notice gives us poor people 0 time to plan or save money. Lots of people live paycheck to paycheck and not everyone has big savings. So I will say this. My excitement for this tour is lukewarm.

So I'm seeing these posts where fans are spreading this 'Greatest Hits Tour' what I've learned over the years is that when Madonna is gonna tour you can't listen to fan sites. If she hasn't officially announced the tour, then there isn't a tour. All these people are getting excited from internet gossip with no official announcement, come on people. If it's not on madonna.com then it's not real. These fan pages on Facebook are not reliable.

So It's a new year and it doesn't really feel like a new me. On New Years Eve, my 5th EP Unhappy was released. I finished the project. It was quite an experience. The Happy Hokey EP and Unhappy EP were considered albums. They both had more than 5 songs on them and I think that has something to do with it. There were about 4 new songs that were added to Unhappy but they weren't technically added to Unhappy, There is gonna be a 6th EP. It will most likely be like the epilogue to the story. I also want to release the sad demos of Friends and Love Is. Both of these alternate versions have added lines that weren't used in the other versions and it gives them this really sad truth that the album versions don't have. The sad demo of Love Is, is sang in a way that flows in a more emotional sound, also I recorded it after having some kind of crying episode so it's very raw, it's beautifully sad. It's pretty deep and the 'yes dad' sounds sad yet sweet.