California is on lockdown again. I've bedn miserable and in pain, ths kidney stones are hurting, the toothache. Recovery from my appendix ruptured. And getting dumped has be brokenhearted and devastated. It's been a real struggle. It's Christmas time and Christmas make me really sad.
So apparently the vmas were on. Mtv has become a joke and the vmas have sucked for years now. I did see that Madonna was there from her ig post. When i was reading the comments, it was really disheartening to see how mean people can be. Even her so called 'fans' are talking shit. I did see some real fans. Her ensemble was interesting. Well Madonnas ensembles have always been on the next level, the vma ensemble wasn't my favorite but Madonna does what she wants and always has. One thing that bot
I'm really sad. It's the worst ever. Getting dumped, surgery, and more bullshit. My life has fallen apart. I think we are on lockdown too. I hate my nightmares they have always been scary. Now, my life is worse than a living nightmare. It's awful. Now, i wish that my nightmares were my reality. Because feeling sad and devastated is unbearable. So ive been trying to keep myself busy. Im having an episode of mania. I'm going to teach myself to play the piano too. I'm sick of crying.
So on June 24th I turned 44. I really hate birthdays they're awful right now it's like 12:30 in the morning and I'm feeling really lonely and really sad I can't I'm so sick of it. So I'm trying to keep my mind on other things so I decided I will work on this blog I don't know about that onlyfans s*** it's I have for the picture I put up a picture that was not something I do usually put up and it was at onlyfans crap so I'm going to put a picture of my ass on here it's not like I was doing someth
So right now, I'm trying to not feel so sad. I just took a huge bong rip. I'm so lonely. I've been more emotional than usual. It's really bad. One good thing is this Friday my sister and I are going to see Xtina at the Hollywood Bowl. She's gonna be with the Phil harmonic. It's gonna be awesome. Right now I'm blasting Bionic.
So cancer is in full swing. Yesterday was Bill Cosby's birthday. #isupportthecos He's been released from prison! I never believed any of that crap. So I love the c
Happy Friday it's already and it's going to be September 11th soon September 11th the tragedy so the other day on Wednesday I was working on my album/EP and at one point I had a mini meltdown but I got it under control but it's pretty cool how my friend/ producer knows all he knows about music s*** He has this software witn all kinds of music I don't know what it's called but samples of s*** like that you know what I mean but he knows and he gave me homework. Since I've been teaching myself th
so it's now November 1st and Halloween was yesterday it was decent but I was severely sad and its eally starting to be an issue.
and I having anxiety and these controllable meltdowns or just little things and then I will blubbering mess and it's like I can't pull it together it's it's f****** awful and the feeling of how awful end just like it's a nightmare that's how it is that scared feeling it's it's and it's been getting worse it hasn't been getting better at all an
I'm really saddened and disappointed seeing the new photos of madonna with fur. I don't give a flying leap if it's inspired by Marilyn Monroe. The comments about Madonna's physical appearance have been beyond cruel. All i could see was madonna with fur and it really made me sad and disappointed it actually hurts my feelings. Now at the lowest and saddest eras in my life and now i see madonna and fur. Madonna has always been there for me and right now it feels like she told me to go ***CENSORED**
So I've spent a majority of last night and this morning in tears. I've just been really down, i was just on ig. I was taking some bong rips and i saw Madonna's latest post. She can post whatever she likes. I don't judge. But these days social media haters are downright mean. The comments made me really sad, they were a majority of mean, ageist comments. The amount of comments coming from life long fans who don't consider themselves fans anymore. Madonna has been pushing buttons since day
Merry Christmas so I can have some updates to to everything I'm really high as a kite right now and so this might not make sense but my new single my first single ever hot dogs is going to be coming out out soon buy whole album was not planned it was some sonnets and poems Shakespearean sonnets to be correct and somehow it. Has ended with our kind came to me singing or speaking whatever I don't know how to explain it but I've really been kind of sad and today has been I'm pretty sad but I've kep
I should be happy and excited about Hot Dogs coming out on Sunday it's the first time I will be putting out a song my own song that I wrote by myself and the piano is myself also but right now I just am really sad and in a deep depression again and I hate it I hate feeling so lonely and going on these f****** apps just make you realize that you are completely alone and no one cares and just being on that thing just makes that even more in your face so going on f****** Grindr because you're feeli