Well it's a new year, let me just say I hope this year is better than my last 10 years. On new years eve it marked a grim anniversary for me. I met a total douche New Years eve of 99. That douche supplied my past 10 years of sadness, depression, pain, ptsd, and then some. The loser i met was my first real relationship and the worst experience of my life. Since then I've spiraled out of control, my views of everything changed. I had major issues with intimacy and this person knew of them. In order to get what he wanted out of me, I was drugged and then raped. So since then I've seen shrinks many different ones and some whom made things worse. I did psychotherapy two Christmas's ago and that brought everything back and sent me into a major spiral. I wrote some really personal blogs on myspace, it was during my therapy and I was breaking my silence in a way. Maybe one day I might post them on here.

So if anyone sees any of my videos and they think that I'm making a joke of rape, believe me, I'm not making a joke. It took me years to come to even get myself to say the word rape. The more it is said and talked about that brings attention to the whole subject.

Well I just wanted to say Happy New Year and I ended up goin on something else.

To anyone who has ever been taken advantage of or been abused; Stay strong and keep your head up. You are a great person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

**Also blasting Madonna's music helps you get through tough points in life. When you blast a Madonna song, the tears can be eased by the need to get up and dance.

xoxo

b